Page 89 of If I Could


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“The screen door wasn’t latched and I always latch it so I thought maybe you were here and forgot to latch it before you left.”

“Wasn’t me. Was Sage there? Maybe she’s the one who forgot.”

“It wasn’t her. She didn’t come over until last night.”

I shouldn’t have said that. Now he’s going to think Sage and I did something last night. But we’re supposed to be a couple so I guess people wouldn’t be that surprised she was over here.

“You two were looking pretty cozy at the party last night,” he says. “Is it getting serious?”

“No. We just met.”

“Sometimes you know right away. I knew I loved my wife from the moment I saw her.”

“Love at first sight? That really happens?”

“It did for me. And we’ve been married now for over fifty years.”

“That’s a long time. Congratulations.”

“Could be you someday. I think you and Sage would be good together. A lot better than her and that mechanic.”

“You don’t like Jesse?”

“He’s a troublemaker. He’s immature and lets his temper get out of control. The boy’s been arrested at least twice, maybe more.”

“For what?”

“Mostly misdemeanors. Public intox. Disturbing the peace. Resisting arrest. I don’t think he’s been in trouble for fighting before but the way he was acting last night, I’m surprised he didn’t do more damage than he did.”

“I would’ve stopped him. I can protect myself.”

“I have to say, I was impressed with that move you did. Took Jesse down before he even knew what happened. How long have you been doing martial arts?”

“Ever since I was a kid. It was a way to burn off steam.”

It was also one of the few activities I did with my dad. He took me to his gym and got me started with classes.

“Well, you’ve certainly mastered it,” Hank says. “I’ve never seen someone drop that fast to the ground.”

“Hank, I need to get going. I just wanted to check about the screen door.”

“Like I said, it wasn’t me. Maybe you just didn’t latch it completely and the wind blew it off.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“I’ll see you on Friday.”

“Yeah, see ya.”

I go to the back door and check the screen. It’s still latched, despite the strong winds whipping around outside. It couldn’t have been the wind. It was definitely unlatched by someone, and maybe that someone was me. My mind has been distracted by thoughts of Sage for days now. It’s possible, in my distracted state, that I left yesterday and didn’t check the latch.

Living like this is driving me crazy. I’m always paranoid. I never feel safe. It would be nearly impossible for them to find me here but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen. Impossible things happen every day.

I need protection. I can’t keep living here without a weapon. A knife isn’t good enough. I need a gun. If someone shows up here to kill me I’m not going to give him a chance.

But where the hell am I going to get a gun? Illegally? The irony that the son of man who sells contraband weapons can’t figure out how to get a gun would be humorous if it were someone else. But I don’t find it the least bit funny because the only reason I need the gun is to protect myself against my father.

Who the fuck does that? How evil do you have to be to want to kill your own son? Even after I told him I’d keep quiet, he still wanted me dead. He doesn’t trust me to keep quiet. And maybe I shouldn’t. Maybe I should go to the police and turn him in, except I have no proof. It’d be his word against mine and they’d have no reason to believe me.

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