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CHAPTER12
The strings of Gotye's, somebody that I used to know, alerted me to an incoming text. Two guesses as to who that was from. It was amazing what you could come up with at three in the morning when you were feeling pissed off and mean. Bubby. That was her pet name for me; it was derived from some old-world endearment that she had learned from her grandmother, or at least that's what she’d told me. For all I know, it could be Russian for sucker. Angry much, Gage? This talking to myself shit was a fucking hoot, but I digress; the family was harping at me about talking to her. I had finally broken down and told Brian to give James the go-ahead to do an in-depth investigation into what the fuck had happened. I knew that fucker would leave no stone unturned.
It was only after a long talk with my sister, where she pointed out the incongruity of Suzette's actions to me, that I relented a little. She raised some doubts that I had had fleetingly but was too pissed to examine. I was waiting for word from James before I made a move; already, I knew she was home in the next town over with her father, a short one-hour drive away. Knowing she was that close brought me comfort, and that pissed me the fuck off, too; why should I care that she was here where I could get to her without the specter of the asshole paparazzi lingering behind every bush waiting to ambush us? Because if there was one thing I knew, it was that Captain Steve Sorenson would never allow those fucks in his town, especially not if they were there to hound his beloved daughter.
Bubby, I was her Bubby, and she was my butterfly. Suzette had convinced herself that she wasn't the beauty that me and the rest of the world perceived. She'd told me about her life growing up in the small town where she had been the shy book nerd who didn't shine until she was on a stage. She was the clumsiest person I knew, the girl could trip over her own feet but put her up on a stage or in front of a camera, and she broke out of her cocoon and shone like the brightest star. "Please forgive me."
I think those words were what drove me over the edge; why would she need forgiveness if nothing happened? This wasn't wild speculation from the tabs; these were her own words sent to me privately again and again.
My stomach rolled again as I envisioned the pictures of him standing behind her, her small frame enclosed in his arms. As long as I live, I will never be able to erase that shit from my mind. I felt anger building once again as I fought to hold onto my sanity once more. Being here was helping though I could already feel it. With my family hammering away at me and having other people's opinions circulating in my head instead of just my own fuckery went a long way to easing some of the pain that had had a choke hold on me for the last little while.
I looked at her text one last time before deleting I wasn't ready yet. I happened to hear a snippet of an entertainment news broadcast as I was heading downstairs; of course, yours truly was the topic of conversation; who the fuck was on this time of day? Fuck my life.
* * *
Jonas and Joshuasat on either side of me on the couch. Neither said anything, just stared as though waiting for something. I turned to Joshua, the oldest by all of three minutes, but who played the big brother to the hilt.
"Joshua..." I broke.
"Sssssh, baby sis, it's gonna be okay, hush now." When he enfolded me in his strong arms, I felt the first real relief I'd felt in a long, long time. They weren't the arms I needed, but I would take this little bit of comfort for myself.
I wondered fleetingly how anyone overcame this pain; it felt as though it consumed every part of me; my very pores felt saturated with pain; I breathed in pain and kept it inside.
"Dad says you're not ready to talk, but we just wanted you to know we're here for you."
I felt the comfort of Jonas's hand as he rubbed my lower back. The feeling of love and acceptance helped to keep the storm at bay.
"That's right, sis; we're here if you need us."
I could hear the anger in Jonas's voice, always the more volatile of the two. I didn't know if that anger was directed at me or the situation in general, and quite honestly, I was in no frame of mind to find out.
"Have you spoken to Gage?"
Oh, dad, my chest concaved as I bawled even louder.
"I guess not." That was his cryptic answer.
"Breathe, Suzette, come on now, breathe for me."
I was a ball of agony in my brother's lap. The pain in my heart was too overpowering for my five-two frame to bear.
"Enough of this shit; I'm calling Maddox and straightening this shit out."
"Jonas..."
" To hell with that dad, they were together for almost four years, and he just tossed her aside like garbage because of this? He of all people should know how shit like this can be manufactured; everyone knows all about how shit can be doctored to look like something it's not."
"Son, we don't know that it's not real. Suzette hasn't said anything yet."
"I don't care; that's not my little sister. My sister would never do such a fucked up thing."
"Language boy..."
I wailed so loud I thought the rafters would fall on us. I knew I didn't deserve his faith in me, one more person betrayed by me.
How had I become this person? When did I lose myself and not even know it? Please let me die; I want to die; I can't do this anymore, no more, please, no more. There was a flurry of movement all around me as the men in my family fought to calm my severe panic attack.
"Suzie, please calm down, please." My father held me in his arms, having snatched me from Joshua's in fear. He rocked me back and forth like a child; I don't remember him doing that since I was about five. He alternated playing with my hair and rubbing my back to soothe me. Too bad only one thing could do that, and he was cut off from me, maybe forever.
