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But as Lara had stood there in the pouring rain, her father’s soldiers watching her with bored interest, Master Erik’s voice had filled her ears:Do not let your temper get the better of you, little cockroach. For when you do, you risk your enemies getting the better of you.
It would be one thing if her loss of temper only costher.But as she stood there, skin prickling with some sixth sense warning her of danger, it occurred to Lara that it would be Ithicana—and Aren—who would pay the price. The sheets of paper in Aren’s rooms at Midwatch still bore all of the bridge’s secrets. If even one of them reached Serin’s hands . . . that was damage that could never be undone. She needed to ensure they were destroyed. Once that was accomplished, she could turn to vengeance with a clear conscience.
She’d returned, intending to leave Aren a note explaining everything and instructing him to destroy the papers, but the vision of Aren’s face when he read it kept spinning across her thoughts. He, who was loyal to his very core, would take her act of disloyalty personally. He’dhateher. Lara swallowed the contents of her glass in big gulps, wishing the alcohol would work faster. Wishing it would numb her traitorous heart.
Filling her glass again and again, she ruminated until the bottle was empty, the whiskey doingnothingto numb the dull ache in her chest. She would’ve ordered another and kept on drinking, but there was no one left to serve her, all the bottles and glassware put away for the night, the room silent and still.
Rising to her feet, Lara turned to discover the common room empty of patrons and staff, chairs pushed into tables, floors swept, and door latched. Devoid of life. Except for Aren, who sat at the table behind her.
She stared blearily at him, her heart feeling as though it had been torn into a thousand pieces, then set aflame.
“Waiting for me to go to bed so you can go find Marisol?” The words were slurred. Spiteful. But she almost wished he’d do it if for no other reason than it would give her a valid reason to hate him. A valid reason to leave and never look back.
The corner of his mouth turned up. “Who do you think came to find me todeal with my shit-mouthed little cousin?”
Lara made a face. “She knows I’m not your cousin. She knows exactly who I am, and, by extension, who you are.”
“Clever Marisol.”
“You aren’t concerned?”
Aren shook his head, then rose to his feet.His clothes were wet, but whatever rainwater he’d tracked in had long since dried.How long had he been sitting there?
“She’s been spying for Ithicana for almost a decade—since your father hung hers and then spiked his head on Vencia’s gates. She’s loyal.”
Jealous words danced on Lara’s tongue, but she swallowed them. “She’s beautiful. And kind.”
“Yes.” His gaze was intense. “But she’s not you.”
Her body swayed, the room spinning. Aren closed the distance between them in two strides, hands catching her sides. Steadying her. Lara closed her eyes to try to stop the spinning, but the rotating room was replaced with the memory of his hard, muscled body, his tanned skin beneath her fingers. Heat blossomed low in her belly.
You can’t,she told herself.You’re a liar and a traitor. You aren’t the woman he believes you to be, and you never can be. You can never be yourself.Not without risking him discovering the truth. If she couldn’t find the courage to tell him the truth, then she needed to get back to Ithicana to destroy all evidence of her betrayal, and then disappear. Fake her death. Return to Maridrina for vengeance.
And never see Aren again.
Her eyes burned, her breath threatening to catch in a sob and betray her.
“Are you all right?”
She clenched her teeth. “I don’t feel well.”
“Not surprising given the amount you drank. You have a royal’s taste, by the way. That’s not a cheap bottle.”
“Paid for it myself.” She said the words slowly in attempt to make them clearer.
“You mean with the coins you stole frommyship.”
“If you’re stupid enough to leave them lying around, you deserve to lose them.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t catch that through all the slurring.”
“Asshole.”
He laughed. “Can you walk?”
“Yes.” Untangling herself from his grip, she staggered toward the stairs, when all of a sudden, the bottom step was flying up to meet her. But before Lara’s face could slam against the wood, Aren caught hold of her, swinging her up into his arms. “Let’s not tempt fate.”
“Just need water.”
