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He licks his fingers and says, “I’m all ears.”
“So, I haven’t spoken to Quintessa in a week. We had a disagreement about something I don’t want to get into. Anyway, to put it in a nutshell, she’s confused. She mistakes me for the man I used to be instead of seeing me for who I am now.”
My father shakes his head.
“Why are you shaking your head, Dad?”
“Because it’s not her who’s confused. Son, it’s a beautiful thing for a father to give his son his name—a name to pass along for generations. I gave you my name and instead of honoring it, you changed it. You can’t pass it along anymore. I’m sure you never thought about how that made me feel because, since you decided to become this new person, you’ve grown more and more selfish.”
“This is great,” I say, standing. “Just great. I come to you for advice and I get the third degree about something as simple as a name change.”
He sets the food tray on the table. “You just don’t get it, do you? This isn’t assimpleas you think. What you did was more than a name change.Youchanged. You became this new person. Half the time, I don’t even recognize you. And your mother—she certainly didn’t like it, but did you care? No, you didn’t. You wanted to be this great, wealthy person—to make all this money. But guess what? The people in your life who mattered loved you the way you were.”
“That’s a lie. Don’t pretend you and mom didn’t uproot your lives because of me. You saw the way I was treated by my peers—even adults.”
“Okay, but listen carefully to what I said, son. I said the people in your life whomatteredloved you the way you were. Get that through your head. Those people—bullies—in high school and anybody else who tore you down—they never mattered. You know who mattered to you? Me, your mom, Quintessa and her friends—wewere your circle.Weaccepted you. You owed nobody else nothing! If you want to change your life, you change for yourself—not because you want to prove anything to anyone. In the end,youare the one who must live with your choices, but what you can’t do is blame other people for those choices.”
He’s right. I can’t refute anything he’s saying. My choices are my choices. I chose to become Essex DePaul. No one told me to do this – not my mother, my father, or Quintessa.
He continues, “You want some advice—I’ll give you some advice—high school is cruel. People out here in the real world are cruel. Use that to your advantage to be the best man you can be—not become a whole new person in hopes of running away from your past. Listen—I know it’s difficult not to be accepted, but you let it ruin your life and now it’s threatening to ruin your marriage. Don’t you see the damage you’ve caused?”
“What damage? Look at all I’ve done. Look at who I am. I’m a self-made millionaire—”
“You’re a person I don’t recognize. When I look at you, I don’t see my son. Iknowyou’re my son, but I don’tseeyou. I see a man who demands respect because of his status, but haven’t I always respected you? Your mom? Quintessa?”
My silence is telling.
He adds, “I’ve never asked you to change and I never will. I just want you to be happy with yourself. You can’t walk around projecting an image of happiness so other people can look at your life and think you’ve got it made because at the end of the day, none of that matters. Your mom matters. I matter. Yourwifematters and you know what else, son. Quintessa was the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
“I know,” I say, standing still, listening intently.
“And now you’re at odds with her. With your wife. It’s amazing how we want something or someone so bad and when we finally get it, we don’t know what to do with it.” Father shakes his head. “I guess that still puts you in a better predicament than me. My wife is gone. I’ll never see her again.”
“And I’ll never see my mother again.” A single tear burns down the length of my face. “I hope she…knows…” I breathe through the pain and continue, “I hope she knows how much I loved her despite everything I’ve done—everything she despised about me.”
“She didn’t despise you, son. She only wanted you to be yourself.”
I nod and brush the wetness away from my face.
“Quintessa…she’s your wife now. She’s who you always wanted. Don’t mess it up. I know how much she means to you. People argue in relationships. Me and your mom used to argue a lot when we first got married. It takes a while to settle into each other’s lives, but what I wouldn’t give for an argument with her right now.”
Dad stands, pats me on the back, and says, “Go get her back, love that woman, son and just be yourself.”
I nod and say, “I will. Thanks for the advice.”
