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“Call it what you want. The answer is no, Tessie. I make millions, baby. I got you covered. You have access to all my accounts. When we get back from Fiji, you’ll have your own account, credit and debit cards. It’s already in the works. You have nothing to worry about.”
“I’m not worried. I just don’t want to be bored out of my mind, sitting around being taken care of. I’ve always taken pride in being able to take care of myself – well whenever I could.”
“That’s my job now.”
“Essex, please…”
“Are you telling me it’s not?”
“That’s not what I’m saying. I just want to be responsible for supporting myself as well. Can we try it for a few weeks to see how it’ll go?”
Agitated, he sighs heavily and says, “Here I am giving in to you once more today. Remember this moment when you’re mad at me.”
I giggle. “Deal. Thank you.”
He kisses me, intentionally pulling my bottom lip into his mouth and sucking on it briefly. He lets it go, then kisses me again, a little deeper this time. I pull away and say, “Mmm…Essex, I have to go.”
“Go where?”
“Back home to get ready for the gala.”
“Thisis your home now, Tessie.”
“Right. What I meant to say is, the dress I’m wearing is at my apartment.”
“Okay. Go get dressed and be back before two.”
“How am I going to get there? My car is still at my apartment.”
He steps out of the room then returns, handing me keys saying, “Take the Benz. And Tessie.”
“Yes?”
“I want you back here before two. Understood?”
“Yes, Essex. I’ll be back before two. Stop being so serious all the time.” I poke him in the chest. He doesn’t smile, nor does he break his concentration on my face. He’s just…just beingworkEssex – like I’m a job and he needs to micromanage me. I wonder if that’s how he sees things.
I rise to my tiptoes and kiss his lips. “I love you.”
“I love you, too. Hurry back.”
“Okay.”
I get inside of his car, smelling his cologne, feeling his presence here. A shiver runs through my entire frame. This man, this man…
There’s a necktie in the center console. I hold it to my nose and pull in a long breath of the scent of him. My man. I shake my head in disbelief. The last two weeks of my life have been a whirlwind.
Essex is Stewart.
Stewart is Essex.
I think heavily about this on the drive to my apartment. Both of these personas are my husband and at times, I feel like I’m married to two men. Essex is the rigid, firm one – the serious one who has to do everything perfectly. Who doesn’t allow room for mistakes. And then there’s Stewart – the sensible side of him. The man who exudes compassion and sensibility. I’ve made love to them both several times. Essex is rougher. Greedier. He’s relentless, reckless and physical. But the Stewart side – he’s careful and sensual. He needs more of a mental and emotional connection than a physical one. He has no clue of the clear distinction between these men. Sometimes I wish Essex would behave more like his old self instead of being so rigid and serious about everything. Hopefully, our honeymoon will give him – us – a chance to reminisce on how we used to be back then and make him want to settle into being comfortable with being who he once was. That’s the man I’m most comfortable with.
