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“That’s been your entire life,” I said. “Punishment. Solutions through beatings, rage.”
“Yes,” he said. “And it took whatever soul was left in me to walk away from you instead of stay and fight for you that night.”
I shook my head. “Stupid. That’s the word I come up with if you’d stayed. But it took me a really long time, this moment, to realize that.”
“And yet I’ve put you in the same position you were two years ago. With your life at risk.”
“Because I’m so innocent,” I snapped. “I know the part I’ve played in this. But you still haven’t told me how you’re involved.”
I love you.The words stayed near but were just far enough that they were difficult to grasp. With the time between us, the deaths, the torture, agunin my hand mere days ago, pressed against a man’s head. Love couldn’t be forged within trauma like that. It shouldn’t. I should be reeling, puddled in a corner, tremoring out the brutal realization that somebody died at my bidding, another man was betting on my death, and all the danger, all the reasons for my motives and the workings of my current fucked-up inner circle came back to…
Him.
“I’m telling you the truth,” Theo continued. “I made a deal. I’d testify against my father, Trace, and I’d work on my younger brother to do the same, in exchange for immunity.”
“Immunity?” I asked.
“Yes. I’m out because I swore I’d be a key witness.”
“Wait, you came out of custody thelegalway?”
Theo nailed me with a wry, chastising look. “Not everything I do has to be through questionable channels.”
“But this puts you in incredible danger,” I said. “Your father will be…”
“Rage-fueled. I know. But he’s behind bars at the moment.”
“You could die for this,” I whispered.
“You were going to die for me. A second time. I couldn’t simply let that go.”
“But the whole Saxon crime syndicate…”
“Is falling apart at the seams,” Kai chimed in. I’d forgotten he was there, so immersed was I in Theo’s aura. “There was a hit on you for a reason. The fact that agirlcould pick apart the Saxon dynasty, despite making deals with dirty agents, despite being watched thoroughly. You pissed Gordon Saxon off so badly he made mistakes. Starting with the assumption that you’d tap on that necklace the instant you saw the chance.”
“He doesn’t know me. He never will,” I said.
“We’re going to make sure of that,” Kai said. “You feel okay? Can you start moving again?”
“Yes,” I said, then with more firmness, “Yes. I can.”
“Okay. Let’s go,” Theo said.
He offered his hand, and after slight hesitation, I took it.
The three of us made our way out of Kai’s apartment and behind the building, where a nondescript black car idled. I supposed they’d give me verbal directions to tell me where to go. The first few hours of being dead would be through roadways, over bridges, a drive into the unknown and perhaps permanent.
My throat swelled.
“Here,” I said to Kai and pressed the crumpled note I’d scrambled to write in the bathroom. “Give this to Verily to give to my parents.”
Kai’s mouth went grim.
“Please,” I insisted. “Read it. It doesn’t say much. Just that I love them and—and…” I collected myself, aware of Theo’s intense scrutiny a few feet away. “And to never blame themselves. They have to knowsomething, Kai. I can’t leave them after everything they’ve been through—”
“All right,” Kai said, tucking the note into his pocket. “I’ll do it.”
“Promise me.”
