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That thought bucketed me like rain.
My home fries were cold by the time I got to them. I pushed them aside and tugged the plush white robe tighter as I curled up in the standard sofa chair of hotel rooms and gazed out the window.
LA provided blue skies today, its cityscape so different from New York. They had the tall, concrete towers in common, the multi-level stacks of buildings playing out like a giant’s version of Tetris on his cell phone. But LA had wider roadways. It was flatter, greener, and, I thought as I made a face at my half-eaten egg white omelet filled with more spinach than goat cheese, a helluva lot more health conscious. I missed my street bagel piled with pasteurized dairy.
Adingcame from my purse, and despite the lurch in my stomach, I uncurled from my position and retrieved my phone. I half expected to see a summons from Neri.
I’m stopping by in tenwas Kai’s message.
“Great,” I mumbled and stripped off my robe. I hadn’t yet showered, but Kai wouldn’t care. Instead, I threw my bleached blond hair into a messy bun and donned my denim shorts and white tee I’d slept in. My toes had nasty blisters from the shoes last night, so I kept them bare, curling them into the plush carpet surrounding the bed, enjoying the sting the friction brought. If all went according to plan, this would be my last night in the five-star hotel.
Kai was staying in a motel down the street. While Kai was a patron of the fine poker establishment I’d been to last night, he wasn’t as known as I’d come to be. He didn’t have to keep up appearances once he exited the room, and the FBI wasn’t about to fund it.
I’ll miss you, I mouthed to the extra-fluffy down pillows, when Kai knocked.
I padded over as his pounding became more insistent.
“Change your mind yet?” he asked in greeting as he strode past me. He brought with him the scent of fresh air and his leather jacket. His cheeks were tinged pink from either the light chill outside, the exertion from his walk, or his incredible rage at me.
“No.” I gestured to the settee where I’d been sitting. “Coffee?”
“No—dammit, yes.” He poured himself a cup out of the sterling carafe. “Haven’t slept a wink, thanks to you.”
I resumed my seat, picked up my mug, and sipped.
“You’re fucking calm considering you just gave yourself over to a middle-aged mafia owner,” he said.
I took a larger sip to settle my nerves as I continued vigilance out the window, watching a plane silently cut through the sky.
“Did you even plan out the terms with him? Like, I dunno, for how long?” Kai gestured with his ceramic cup. “Or when? How?Whatis required of you?”
I set my drink down on the glass table with a rattlingclink.“I figure we’ll get to the details once I go over there.”
“Scarlet.” A hand came down on my own. His was startlingly cold to my warm. “This is me you’re talking to. No one else is here, I’m not wired, Chenko isn’t listening,” he said, referring to his supervisor. “So, tell me, truly, what is going on with you.”
“I’ve tried everything.” The words came out mainly as breath as I stared at the table between us. “I excel at this game so well that I’m requested at all the high stakes tables and whored out by the FBI and—and all for what?” I met Kai’s stare, and to my chagrin he was blurry. “Theo doesn’t see me, Kai.”
Kai leaned forward. “I see you, honey, and it’s not looking good. What you’re doing…we discussed this. Said that if it became too much for you, if searching for Trace and Theo took its toll and had you turning back into that girl who throws herself in front of flying bullets, we’d stop.”
I squeezed his hand then let go. “You’re sweet to think that.”
I hadn’t told him what Peter Chenko had said to me while I was still recovering in the hospital bed after being shot, the moment he came in and shut the door. And I didn’t plan to tell Kai. To Kai, the FBI was a living, breathing Superman. He still believed they were the good guys.
“Oh, no?” Kai cocked his head. “From my perspective it’s looking like we were done weeks ago. This isn’t flushing any Saxon out. You should’ve stopped playing, Scar.”
“You’re wrong. We’ve finally gotten our lead. Trace has been staying with Neri. I overheard it at a game a week ago, and he may still be there.”
“We’ve been down this road before. It’s probably another of Trace’s plants, to put us off the scent. I’ll call Chenko right now.” He pulled out his phone from his jacket pocket. “We can—”
“No, Kai. I’m going through with this. Tell Chenko I’ll speak with him directly.”
Kai lifted his phone out of my reach when I went for it. “This department will wring you out until there’s nothing left but a husk. You know it, yet you continue to let them ask more of you.”
“My choice,” I repeated from last night.
“You’re right. You’re good at this. Too good. You could leave us behind and run your own empire. But instead you’re here, pining after a fugitive who we may never catch. We’ve lost resources, attention, we’re basically all down to you, Scar. You’re the only one bringing in the funds to continue this espionage.”
“Exactly. We can’t stop now.”
