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The men he’s with, Larry being one of them, are all talking to two women, one of whom has her hand pressed directly over the groin of one of the men.
We’re given chairs but Captain kicks mine away from him, ensuring we don’t accidentally touch. He doesn’t offer me a drink but one is poured for me anyway.
How petty and immature of him.
I watch him make conversation with Clunk, as the women regale them all with tales and flutter their perfect lashes, making them feel special.
I think back to our intimate dinner and wonder if he chose that over this because of me? He told me he fancied eating there but now I’m wondering if it was because he knew his men would be at the brothel bar down the way.
“You’re a handsome one,” the woman who was talking to Larry smiles at Captain and glances at me, questioning with her eyes whether or not she’s about to offend.
Before I can say anything, Captain turns to Clunk, a sneer on his face. He leans over me as I’m between them both.
“She one?” Captain asks Clunk who shrugs and glances at me.
What the fuck is going on?
“You,” Captain says to the woman who smiles and shifts all of her attention his way, turning her back to Larry entirely. He pulls out a wad of cash, counts a few notes and asks her, “You want this?”
She nods eagerly.
“Wanna blow me?”
Her plump lips part as she looks around, startled by his audacity. “I have a place just over—”
My heart stopped beating.
He pulls her onto his lap and the entire table stills, the men who have seen many displays between us all glance between Captain and me but otherwise remain impartial and keep their conversations going.
“Oh,” she squeaks when he palms her heavy breast. It’s bigger than mine, rounder.
I’m going to hurl.
“You’ve got a big one,” she murmurs, sliding her hand beneath her rear and cupping him.
“You like that, huh?” His smile is seedy and malicious. My heart tears from my chest as I fight to keep my face straight.
“Of course, but can you use it?”
“Let me show you.”
She stands and holds out her hand but he ignores it to grab her arm and pull her around the hut but not before snarling at Clunk to, “Watch her.”
Meaning me.
I’m in shock. My stomach is roiling. I watch her giggle as they go, pulling down on her rising skirt hem as though she deserves any ounce of modesty right now. I watch them vanish around the back of the hut.
My face remains blank, it has to.
I won’t admit that this is killing me. Killing me. But it’s also saving me because I feel shattered, broken, jealous, envious. I feel like I want to rip her hair from her scalp, wrap it around his throat and strangle him with it.
This is good. He’s showing me how much of a wanker her is. He’s reminding me of what and who I am to him.
“Come sit with us,” Larry says softly, patting the chair beside him. “Have some rum. It’ll help with the burn.”
I guess I’m not as good at hiding my emotions as I thought.
I’m surprised when Clunk catches my eyes and with a soft tone, softer than any before, he says, “She’s just a whore, it doesn’t mean anything.”
Is that what I am too? Just a whore?
“She’s not just a whore,” I remark, biting down on my trembling lip. “She’s a woman and she’s just doing what she’s told.”
The other woman at the table gives me an appreciative look but I don’t care for it. My body is a livewire of feelings I’m trying to deny. Any type of kindness right now will set me off.
I drain my rum, cringing at the foul taste of it and try to laugh when the men cheer me on.
He’s done this on purpose, to teach me a lesson, to hurt me because I’m not smitten or in love with him.
It’s okay though, I’m okay with this.
I mean… I’m not. It hurts… but I will be.
It shouldn’t hurt.
Fuck, my head is going around and around in circles.
Ten minutes later, maybe more, maybe less, he walks around from the back of the hut while tying the front of his shorts. The woman pulls down her skirt hem and I notice her hair is a wild mess and her lips are swollen. Or maybe I’m imagining that part.
“Worth the money, Captain?” the man beside Larry asks.
“She’s better than most whores,” Captain replies and I bring Clunk’s glass to my lips with a trembling hand, nearly spluttering when I taste the absinthe.
He chuckles as though it’s hilarious and takes it from me before I can put it down.
Back on the ship at last after a long sailing trip. We didn’t talk, didn’t look at each other, or I didn’t look at him. I felt his eyes on me on occasion but he didn’t once utter a single word other than when he told me to be careful when stepping onto the sailboat in my new flip-flops. The connection between us broke the moment he humiliated me like that. It should never have happened to begin with between us.
