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“We were talking about Nathan. Paula was just informing me of his rude behaviour towards her the other day. Is he like that with you?” Daisy asks.
I shake my head, “He mostly just keeps to himself.”
“It’s nice that he’s taken you in after Caleb’s unfortunate demise,” she says quietly and I want to walk away from this conversation. Like now. “It’s almost unheard of in this day and age. It’s very gallant of him.”
“Especially considering his parents. Ugh. I had the pleasure of meeting his mother once. Foul woman, absolutely foul.” Paula adds with a cluck of disgust. “She used to be awful to those boys. They weren’t allowed to do no wrong.”
“They grew up in the city,” I say but it’s more of a question than anything else. “How’d you know this?”
Daisy leans in, eager to tell the gossip, “They did but Nathan also spent a lot of time here. The house you’re in now is the family home. It’s Caleb’s grandfather’s home. They came back and forth quite a bit. She usually dropped Nathan off when she’d had enough, which was more often than not.”
“Yes,” Paula agrees, also leaning forward. “Nathan was unruly. He was a menace. Always causing trouble, always speaking badly to his grandfather. Caleb however, now he was the happy one although we didn’t see too much of him growing up. Always daydreaming, always smiling and playing. Such a lovely boy, he didn’t spend nearly as much time with his grandfather as Nathan did though.”
“If Nathan hated his grandfather so much, why’d he claim his house?” Daisy asks the question I was thinking but wasn’t going to ask.
Paula shrugs, “I’ve no idea. What’s it like inside? Are there still portraits on the walls?” I think about it for a moment, now that I am I realise I haven’t seen a single picture anywhere. How odd.
“Hmm,” I agree and sip my decaf latte. “So, what is there to do around here?”
“Not much.” And just like that the conversation changes to better things.
Chapter Ten
It’s the morning after my outing with Paula. I haven’t seen Nathan for a few days, he came back the Tuesday morning as he said he would and I borrowed his car to go out but that’s the extent of our conversation. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me right now. I’m in such a bad mood. Have been since I woke up thirty minutes ago. Even the fact that I can eat whatever I want for breakfast again without throwing it up doesn’t cheer me up.
My movements are heavy because even my body is angry.
I stomp into the kitchen and slam cupboards as I prepare food. Even the mushrooms are pissing me off. Stupid food. Stupid house. Why is everything hurting? I don’t mean my body, I mean my mind.
“Morning,” Nathan says cautiously. I’m ignoring him. I’m ignoring everybody. “This looks good.”
It tastes like ash and brimstone, what would you know?
“Seriously good.” He moans a little and takes another bite.
Why is he talking to me?
I eat another mouthful of ash flavoured food. Huh, Jeanine is here, I didn’t notice. She eyes me warily, I barely glance at her as I pick up my plate (angrily) and walk past (furiously). I do notice them both exchange a look of concern, this just makes me worse.
They don’t know me but I guarantee when my back is turned they’ll have quiet words and Nathan will probably blame myself and say its hormones. I’m not hormonal. I’m tired, my back’s hurting, I can’t get comfortable… and oh yeah. Caleb is dead!
“Hey my darling,” Jeanine says and stands by the counter as I wash the dishes. “I think that plate’s clean now.”
What would she know? Are her hands in the water? No. It’ll be clean when I say it’s clean.
“Are you okay?” I nod and scrub the plate some more. Jeanine reaches into the hot water and takes the plate from my hand, “I’ll do this. Why don’t you go and rest?”
“I don’t want to,” I snap, instantly feeling guilt but also not caring much.
“Okay, why don’t you bake or something?” Her warm eyes search my profile, I feel her concern piercing my fury bubble.
“I just want to be alone,” I say quietly and brush past her. “Sorry.”
Their hushed tones follow me up the stairs, I can’t hear what they’re saying and honestly, I don’t care. As soon as I enter my room I put the photo frame face down without even looking at it. I can’t deal with your smile today, Caleb. Life isn’t always a fucking joy. Clearly.
Look at me. I’m a mess. Pining for a man that’s ash on his mother’s mantelpiece.
Not to mention that, I’m in a house that doesn’t belong to me, using money that I didn’t earn, from a man who practically hates me, because of reasons I don’t fucking know.
