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There was something very liberating about deciding you were don
e with work for the day. As I kept drinking, the alcohol buzz started to permeate me and I felt more relaxed.
This had definitely been the right decision.
Kaitlyn was now an established part of the group since she and Emily were together, so I saw her frequently. We’d done some practice for the street performance group, though I hadn’t performed on the street much since I was so busy recently. She smiled at me in a friendly manner, and I smiled back, glad that we were actually friends now. I was glad she’d forgiven me for my earlier rudeness.
“Have you had a chance to work on those songs yet?” she asked.
Despite the increasing warmth of my buzz, another bolt of anxiety hit me. Had I really agreed to work on some songs with her? What had I been thinking? There was no way I had the free time to do all this.
I felt bad because I’d originally told Kaitlyn that I wanted to perform with her every day. The thought was ludicrous. I’d been so free last semester, but this semester, my classes made my schedule so hectic. I could barely practice with her during the twice weekly sessions. I only made it for a performance maybe once a week, if that.
“I took a look,” I said diplomatically, “and I should have some changes to them for our next session.”
She patted my shoulder. “Awesome, thanks.”
I smiled tightly. I guessed she couldn’t tell that I was actually anxious. Kaitlyn and I had actually become close, but we weren’t best friends yet. No one could really read my moods when I put on my public face.
I was graduating at the end of the semester, so I just had to push through and get it over with. I had no idea what I wanted to do after I graduated, except stay in Rosebridge. My parents wouldn’t like that idea, but thankfully, it wasn’t up to them. I’d only acquiesced on the majors because they were paying for my education.
But once I graduated, I’d be free. Not as free as Kaitlyn, maybe, but more able to decide what I wanted to do. There were several marketing firms in downtown Rosebridge, and I’d done an internship with one last summer, so I felt good about my career prospects.
“I’m sorry I haven’t gotten to play with you as much as we’d discussed,” I told Kaitlyn, the alcohol putting me in the mood for feeling apologetic, apparently.
“It’s not a problem,” said Kaitlyn. “I mean, your education comes first, right? And you’ll be graduating so soon.”
“I guess,” I said, sighing. I’d only recently realized I couldn’t do much street performance at all if I had a 9-5 job. Maybe only on the weekends, or evenings during the week when the weather was nicer.
“I’m sure there’ll be more time at the end of May, and then June,” said Kaitlyn. “We can make bank if we go down to the Riverwalk, especially. I’ve been meaning to check it out.”
“Oh yeah,” I said. “There are sometimes people playing music there. We’d fit right in.”
Kaitlyn beamed at me. How was she always so cheerful? Maybe that was why we were friends. She balanced out my dourness.
“Good things are on the horizon for us,” she said, looking out toward the rest of the group once more.
I agreed, but I wasn’t sure I did, really. I would graduate and get a good job, and do my best to keep up with my music, and then what? It was hard to imagine how life would change.
Maybe I was lonely. I had good friends but I hadn’t been in a relationship for so long. When I’d moved here for college, I’d met a girl, freshman year. I’d known I was a lesbian but I hadn’t dated a girl before, and she’d been my first. She’d been awesome, but we went on different paths.
It was for the best. The person she was now was someone I wouldn’t want to date, anyway. But who was the kind of person I’d want to date? I didn’t know.
I was a little jealous when Kaitlyn and Emily got together… It all happened kind of fast, or at least, it seemed that way in retrospect. It seemed like love randomly dropped in on peoples’ lives when they least expected it.
I couldn’t help but wonder when it would drop into mine.
MARGIE
I hated sunny days.
I mean, the weather was pleasant. It was nice to be outside, instead of holed up in my room. But the problem was that everyone else was outside, too. And when that happened, I couldn’t help but notice how no one was outside alone.
No, that wasn’t true. There were a few people laying on the grass with earbuds in or reading a book. But they looked happy, and they probably had friends they could do stuff with.
I didn’t have any friends. As I walked past the field, I enviously watched the people playing frisbee, the people slacklining, the people playing hacky sack, the people sitting in circles, all suspiciously carrying water bottles that I was sure didn’t have water in them.
It was such a typical picture of college life, and I wasn’t a part of it. I had never been.
