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Lucas continued as if we’d never been interrupted.
“By the time your vampire came to see me, I was certain you had no intention of coming home without some…convincing. ”
What had felt like a knot of shame in my gut unraveled. I had thought Lucas and I could talk this out without any of the anger I’d experienced before, but I was sorely mistaken. It roared to life, carried by the instincts of my inner wolf, who was not really the forgive-and-forget type.
“So, you thought having two strangers kidnap me and stick me in a car trunk would be the best way to convince me?” My voice rose above the sounds of the ambient jazz quartet hidden in one corner. Lucas looked me in the eyes, and there was a quiet warning in his expression.
I placed my fisted hands in my lap and refused to avert my eyes. I wouldn’t be cowed by a withering stare. I wasn’t his wolf. But I didn’t speak again.
“You need to know what you left behind. ”
I think of anything he could have said, this frightened me the most. After hearing Dominick’s assessment of the damage I’d done, I wasn’t sure I was ready to hear it directly from the wolf’s mouth. It would be difficult to be high and mighty if Lucas did something stupid, like confess how much my leaving had hurt him. I turned away.
“Okay,” I acquiesced.
“Secret, look at me. ” His tone was gentle rather than demanding.
I raised my gaze slowly, afraid he might have become a Gorgon and I would be turned to stone by looking at him. I feared his pain much more than his indignation. Of course, when I faced him, all that greeted me were his pale, glimmering blue eyes. His former annoyance had faded, and he was once again my Lucas.
He reached his hands out to me, and I placed my own in them. His palms were so much larger than mine he could have enclosed my whole hand in his. His skin was rougher than I remembered, and I wondered if that was new or if I’d forgotten little pieces of him over the spring.
“Even though you killed Marcus,” he said, “there was still a level of uncertainty in the pack because of what he had done by bringing that many rogues out and by finding a Southern pack princess to be his mate. ” By this he meant my mother. “And by almost killing my mate…”
I almost protested. Lucas may have announced his intentions to court me, but I had not been formally acknowledged as his mate. Call me old-fashioned, but if I’m going to be mated to a billionaire, I sort of want a ring.
Or at least to be asked.
He carried on without seeming to notice his faux pas. He had also avoided mentioning Marcus’s partnership with a certain nasty Cajun vampire. I wondered if he hoped we could avoid discussing vampires altogether.
“The entire foundation of my leadership came into question. Others in the pack, especially the older families in the small towns, started to ask themselves if I was fit to rule. Or if I was too young to be king. ” He squeezed my hands a little too hard.
I’d never asked Lucas about his father’s death. Everyone, at least everyone in public, knew about his sudden and tragic death at the age of fifty-eight from an undiagnosed pancreatic tumor. Since my romance with Lucas had been quick, dramatic and lacking in time for most of the small details of our pasts, I had not had the chance to ask if that was a cover story.
It seemed far more likely Jeremiah Rain had died defending his pack from an enemy, either one from outside or within. But now wasn’t the time to ask. Another question for another day. I knew Lucas resented the doubt his age cast over his ability to lead his people. I wasn’t part of his pack, but nothing would ever make me doubt his loyalty to his wolves. I marveled at how anyone who knew him could hesitate to trust his leadership.
“I didn’t help things, did I?” I asked.
He smiled, but it wasn’t a happy smile. “Dominick told you about the special designation for those who save the king by killing a usurper, right?”
“Pack protector. ”
For the first time that evening I realized I hadn’t seen the blond bodyguard once. Either I was being trusted again, or he was hiding somewhere and I hadn’t thought to look.
“He was less than clear about what the implications of being a pack protector were, though,” I admitted as I looked around the room, seeing no sign of him.
Lucas’s thumb rubbed small, soothing circles onto my palm, and some of my anxiety melted away. I stopped looking for Dominick.
“Pack protector is a title for anyone who puts their own life at risk to protect the king or the sanctity of the pack. Basically, anyone who places the pack above themselves. It is a sacred position, and one of great respect. To be the king’s mate and pack protector proves your loyalty to the pack beyond reproach. ”
“Oh. ” My palm went cold in his hand.
“To be the pack protector and then vanish when the pack is at its weakest shows you had no respect for the position. It’s considered an unforgivable insult. ”
“Oh,” I said again. A lump was growing in my gut, and while it was not as familiar as it should have been, I knew what it was. Guilt.
“By leaving, you did more than hurt me personally. You helped add doubt to the already restless minds of those who were the least certain of me. ” Though his tone was matter-of-fact, I heard the sharpened edge to his words.
I had suspected he might have issues to deal with after I left, and I’d had three months to battle the guilt of what my absence might have meant to him. But having him lay it all out on the table did something I couldn’t have expected. It sort of pissed me off. Sure, I’d made things harder for him, I wasn’t denying that, but if he was the king, wasn’t it sort of his job to deal with difficult situations?
