AllFreeNovel
Share Us
The ride back to my apartment was awkwardly silent. Normally I might have tried to liven things up by cracking a joke at my expense, but I didn’t feel like there was much to laugh at right then. We’d parted ways with Keaty outside the morgue, but his presence still lingered. Our hug should have meant something good, something to make me view my situation in a positive light. Instead it made me doubt everything I knew about who I’d been.
Had I been nothing more than a monster masquerading as someone decent? Was I only worthwhile to those around me now that I was considered human?
I’d spent my whole life fighting against the monsters inside me, struggling to exist as something that shouldn’t exist. And now that I fit the norm, I found I didn’t want to belong. The world I’d yearned to be accepted into wasn’t all I’d dreamed it would be.
Boo-hoo, right? Go figure the grass wasn’t any greener on the other side.
Just a lot brighter.
I was the first out of the car when we got to my place, but Brigit was right on my heels, taking her job as my bodyguard seriously. It didn’t surprise me in the least to find my door unlocked, but for the sake of safety I let her go first. After a moment she popped her head out into the hall.
“It’s relatively safe. ”
“Relatively?”
“Like, no one is actually going to kill you, but you might want to stay out here all the same. ”
“Brigit, let her in,” came Holden’s voice from within the apartment. “She needs to get this over with. ”
Yeah, that made me want to rush inside.
“I gather I don’t have much choice. ” Besides which, Desmond had joined me in the foyer, and there wasn’t a lot of room to spare with two adults in the closet-sized landing.
Brigit stepped aside, letting me and Desmond through. Holden had taken his familiar place on the loveseat, but Sig remained standing. He was in front of the fireplace, staring intently at my sword collection.
“I’m not a man of faith,” Sig said. “I’m sure you can understand why. ”
“You’re older than Jesus?”
He snorted a humorless laugh. “Religion existed long before me, long before him, and it has always been a fool’s narrative. Those who do not know how to think for themselves look to gods for their answers. When the gods do not speak, they look to liars who claim to know the answers. Religion is a farce of liars and those with no minds of their own. ”
This didn’t seem like a discussion, so I stayed quiet and let him talk.
“I may not be religious, but I find men of religion can often say truly remarkable things in spite of their own inherent stupidity. ” He picked up the silver katana, careful not to touch the metal, and turned to face me, the weapon in his hand. “Have you ever heard of Henry Ward Beecher?”
“No. ”
“No, of course not. You’re too young. Much, much too young. ” He was playing with the weight of the sword, adjusting it so it was perfectly balanced. “Ward once said, ‘You have come into a hard world. I know of only one easy place in it, and that is the grave. ’”
“Sounds like Henry was a cheerful guy. ”
Sig gave me a look that plainly said now was still not the time for me to talk. “It made me laugh when I first read it, because what is a vampire if not one step from the grave? And is our life easy? No, there is nothing easy in the life of a vampire. It is a hard world whether you are living or undead. So what does that mean for you?”
I didn’t like the implication of his buildup. “I didn’t do this intentionally. ”
“As Mr. Chancery explained it to me, the choice was entirely yours. ”
“And did Mr. Chancery tell you my other option was to leave one of them behind?” I pointed at Holden, then back to Desmond. “I don’t leave people behind. ”
“You are not a Marine, Secret. ”
“No, I’m just not as cold as you people apparently. I can’t sacrifice someone else’s life for the sake of getting what I want. ”
“You can’t sacrifice someone else, so you have sacrificed yourself instead. ” Sig spun the blade in his palm, and instinctively I took a step backwards. He might have the ability to make people calm, but I was as far from relaxed as I could possibly be.
“What are you saying?”
“If the only easy place is the grave, you have made certain you’re in for an easy future. ”
