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“You know, considering how vampires usually have all the patience in the world, you two seem completely unable to give me time to digest how I want to handle this. Being a vampire is not my only option. ”
“No?” Sig asked, obviously not believing me.
“No. I could let him bite me. ” I indicated Desmond, who had done a good job of keeping his cool after his initial outburst.
Sig laughed. “What on earth would that solve?”
“I’d stop being an easy target. I’d be damned hard to kill. And I’d be living up to the other heap of responsibilities you seem totally willing to overlook. The werewolf ones. ”
Holden shook his head. “We know about that part of you, but this is more important. ”
“Yeah, you would think so, wouldn’t you?”
“It’s not hubris. Whether or not you are a werewolf doesn’t decide your life. You can give up your place with the wolves and still go on. You don’t love the wolf king anymore. ”
“He’s not the only wolf who mattered to me, you idiot. ”
“Well, if that one cares about you, he’s still going to care about you if you’re a vampire instead of a werewolf. ”
“And if you care about me, you won’t mind if I want to be werewolf instead of a vampire,” I countered.
“Do you think that’s what this is about?” Holden pushed in front of Sig, and I had to lower my sword, or I’d risk stabbing him by accident. “This isn’t about whether or not I can love you as a wolf, or a human, or a vampire, Secret. I’ll love you no matter what you are or what you become. That’s not what this is. If you aren’t a vampire, you are going to die. There’s no other way around it. And whatever else you might be, I can’t love you if you’re dead. ”
I was thunderstruck.
It wasn’t often in my life I’d been left at a total loss for words, but Holden’s speech had knocked the wind right out of me.
“I need tonight,” I said finally. “Just tonight. ”
Holden looked like he might argue, but Sig raised one hand to silence him. “You can have it. ”
“Thank you. Now get out. Both of you. ”
This time neither of them argued. Once they were gone, my apartment felt small, like they’d taken all the air with them. Ironic, since neither of them breathed. Desmond was flushed, and I could tell he wasn’t happy about what had happened. I couldn’t blame him, but I couldn’t apologize either. Holden professing his love was just one point of insanity on an already batshit-crazy day. What was worse was that his words had a huge impact on me. Holden loved me, and I loved him, and I wasn’t ready to throw that all away. Maybe I shouldn’t turn up my nose at the idea of being a vampire.
Specifically I shouldn’t turn up my nose at the idea of being bound to Holden for the rest of my life. In the most intimate way possible.
These were not the kind of decisions normal human girls had to make. Even as a mortal I was still dealing with the crap from a supernatural life.
I slumped into the loveseat, still holding the sword. “Desmond, I need you to do something for me. You’re not going to like it, but I need you to do it. ”
“What is it?”
“Get Lucas. Bring him here. ”
If he’d had fur, it would have bristled. “Why?”
“Because if I’m going to die tomorrow, I need him to do me one last favor. ”
Chapter Forty-Eight
As far as nights went, this was shaping up to be one of the longest of my life.
It took ten minutes for me to convince Desmond it was safe to leave me alone with Brigit, and I spent the next fifteen on the phone with Jackson listening to him bitch about Kellen. So much for my bright idea to hand-deliver rebound sex to her front door.
“She will not shut up about this dude, Brokk, and I swear to God she must have cases of booze hidden everywhere in this apartment. She’s like a goddamn Prohibition smuggler. Every time I take something away from her, she disappears and comes back with more. ”
“Maybe her fairy boyfriend created a magical rift between her fridge and a liquor store,” I suggested. Did all humans suffer from headaches as often and severely as I was? Or perhaps it had something to do with spending an entire afternoon in the sunshine when I’d never been able to look at it before.
