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Chapter 15
Ryan
“#science”
Me:I need your advice.
Spencer:Always wear a condom. Bitches are crazy.
Me:OMG, not that kind of advice! You really need to start dating better quality women. I have no idea where to take Danny on our date Friday. I could make a reservation at Chez François on the mainland. Maybe take her to a club after? That’s cool, right?
Spencer:Why are you taking her anywhere, when you have a perfectly good cottage to get her naked in? You’re not exactly the public sex type of man.
Me:This is only our first date. There will be no sex, public or otherwise.
Spencer:Stop being a prude. You’ve been living with her for over two weeks. You are way past your five date minimum bullshit at this point. How has your dick not exploded by now?
Me:Why am I even friends with you?
Spencer:For my sparkling personality.
Spencer:Take her someplace you’re comfortable. Lord knows you’re going to be shitting your pants the entire night with nerves, so you might as well go someplace that relaxes you. No stuffy, fancy restaurants, or dance clubs where you might run the risk of horrifying her with your dance moves. Stay on the island, and keep it simple.
Me:Right, so everyone can gossip about our date?
Spencer:The entire island will be gossiping about this date the minute you walk out your front door. If you don’t want that to happen, move.
Dad:What’s this I hear about you going on a date with your roommate tomorrow?
Me:My God, it’s happened before I even walked out the front door.
Dad:I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I hope this is just a rumor. You’re supposed to be sending her back to Chicago, not dating her.
Me:It’s a long story that I don’t want to get into right now, but things have changed. I’m not sending her back to Chicago.
Dad:You have priorities, Ryan. Priorities that are much more important than wasting time with someone who is definitely not mayor’s wife material. I’ve seen her around town. She’s going to be nothing but a bad influence on you.
Me:I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that, since you would never judge someone before you’ve even met them or know anything about them, right? Who I choose to spend time with is not a decision you get to make.
Me:I’m sorry if that was rude. I’ll see you Sunday at dinner.
Spencer:What are you wearing?
Me:I think you sent this to the wrong person.
Spencer:On your date tonight, FFS.
Me:I don’t know. Probably a nice pair of khakis and a button-down.
Spencer:Immediately no.
Me:What’s wrong with that? I want to look nice.
Spencer:She has seen you wearing that every day since you met. In case you forgot, you haven’t gotten laid in that time. Change it up. Wear something that will get her juices flowing. Khakis will make her drier than the Sahara. Jeans, boots, and a Henley. Trust me. There’s something about Henleys that get women wet. It’s a mystery scientists have been trying to decipher for years.
Me:And in case YOU forgot, she kissed me in khakis, thank you very much.
Spencer:Exactly. You only get kissed in khakis. You get fucked in a Henley. #science
