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ChapterTwenty-Two
SPENCER
I’m well aware that trying to look extra-good for Tess at movie night is probably a moot point—not to mention self-torture—but I do it anyway. What can I say? I’ve made a fool of myself plenty of times before. See also: I’m a grade-A glutton for punishment.
So as soon as Frank lets me off work, I run to my parents’ house to get myself dressed for whatever this evening might hold. The stuff I have back at the ranch is all sweats and workout clothes. Things to sleep in and hang around the site in. But I want to do better than camp-wear tonight.
My mom and dad won’t be around right now anyway. Saturday’s their standard date night out. They never miss driving into the city. Dinner. A show. Even dancing sometimes. It’s a ritual I’d always imagined enacting myself someday. But for now, I just need to rinse off all this car wash sweat.
So I hop in a quick shower before slipping on my favorite long-sleeved Henley. It’s a soft one in a shade of forest green. Tess’s eyes are green. I like green. And yes, she suggested I wear blue tonight because the color would look good for Kayla. But that’s exactly why I’m throwing a curveball and wearing one thatreminds me of Tess.
Step 1. Show Tess I have a mind of my own.
Step 2. Show Tess the rest of me is worth noticing too.
To that end, I throw on a pair of dark washed jeans that are the opposite of what she’s used to seeing me in. They emphasize the hard work I’ve done at the gym, if you know what I mean. Tighter around the thighs and in the back. Low on my hips. I don’t even iron them.
What a rebel. Heh.
For a top layer, I grab a dark gray hoodie to keep things casual. At the library gala, I kind of went over the top and showed up in a tuxedo when most of the men just wore suits or sport coats. Tess didn’t even notice my efforts that night. So this dressed-down look might be better anyway.
Step 3: Splash on some cologne.
Usually, at the library, I don’t even wear aftershave. A lot of patrons and coworkers are sensitive to scent, and I never want to make anyone uncomfortable. I’m a respectful human, and I’ve got my professional responsibilities.
But tonight, I want to smell good.
The movie is going to be projected on the white stucco wall outside the dining hall. We’ll all be sitting together in the fresh night air. Maybe Tess will get chilly. Maybe I’ll scoot my folding chair a little closer to her. Yes, my imagination is just more punishment for this glutton. But body heat is a whole thing. And—blankets.
I should bring blankets!
There goes my brain again. You can take the man out of the library, but you can’t take the checklist out of his brain. After tossing a couple of blankets in the back of my car, I race to the ranch as fast as my reliable car will take me. I’m a genius firing on all cylinders.
You’ve got this in the bag, Spencer!
Okay, so I don’t really, but I read an article this week about manifesting your desired reality with lots of positive thinking.
So I’m manifesting. And desiring. And positive-ing the heck out of my thinking. Unfortunately the positive rush comes to an abrupt end when I show up to movie night and find myself stuck in the long line outside the gates. Behind Kayla.
“You made it.” She turns and smiles up at me.
I shift my weight and the blankets to my other arm. “Frank let me off early.”
“Lucky you.” She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, and I wish this stirred up something inside me. Anything. Pursuing Kayla would be so much easier than pining away over Tess. On paper, Kayla’s perfect. And according to Tess, Kayla actually likes me. But when I dig around in my chest—metaphorically, of course—there’s not even a single skip of a heartbeat.
Man. I really am an idiot.
And if Kaylaisinterested in me, I can’t let this go on. It isn’t good for our work relationship. Not to mention my duty as a decent human being. I know what it’s like to live in denial, thinking I might have a chance with someone I don’t.
In fact, I might be smack dab in the middle of denial again with Tess. And if I’m going to push the new Spencer to the next level, it’s not about wearing less gel in my hair, or leaving my jeans un-ironed, or occasionally checking texts at work. I need to take more meaningful action, like…
Step 4: Let Kayla know I’m not interested in her.
Sure, I’ll be risking her laughing in my face if she actually has no feelings for me. But at least I’ll be sure she doesn’t get the wrong idea.
And if Tess gets somerightideas, all the better.
“Anyway, it’s a nice night for a movie,” Kayla says, yanking me from my positive thinking.
