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ChapterTwenty-Nine
TESS
I’m at least thirty yards clear of Spencer when he shouts, “Tess!” I glance over my shoulder. Great.Nowhe decides to come after me? At least Clive’s already in the building, and he probably couldn’t hear me call him. That’s the reason I yelled his name in the first place. I didn’t actually need Clive for anything, anyway. I was just trying to avoid a conversation with Spencer.
What would I even say to him right now?
Hey, sorry, can’t talk. I’m too busy mourning the loss of my home. And my pride. Because in a typical lapse of reason, I made you kiss me last night. A total Tess move, right? Oh, and here’s something else that’s weird. Our differences used to be so annoying, but now I can’t help thinking you’re exactly what I need, even though you don’t want me. You never did. Now I’ve got no place to live, no self-control, and no YOU.
Hahahaha. Hilarious, right?
It’s so funny I forgot to laugh!
Myeyes and nose are stinging and damp. I’m afraid if I turn around and Spencer’s right behind me, we’ll crash into each other. And I like the feeling of being pressed against the manwaytoo much. So I keep jogging, determined to put more space between us. As it turns out, Spencer’s faster. And suddenly, he’s grabbing my hand, pulling me back, and I have to stop or he’ll yank my arm off.
“Tess,” he pants. “Please. Stop.”
“What?” I whip around, and we’re both breathing hard, but only one of us is blinking back tears. And sniffling. And blinking some more. Stupid emotions. I wish he’d step away or that I could just disappear.
“Whoa.” He glances around quickly. There’s no one anywhere close to us, but weareright out in the open. So he leads me past Shady Hill over to the back of the dining hall. On one side of us is a stucco wall. On the other is a low hedge. Beyond that is a row of trees.
Yep. We’re alone all right.
“What’s wrong?” he asks. “Did something happen? I mean something besides …” His voice drops to a whisper, then drops away completely. He must be really embarrassed about our kiss last night. He can’t even say the words out loud.
“Nothing’s wrong,” I blurt out.
“Come on. You’re really… sad.” He’s not asking me. He’s telling.
Blink, blink, blink. “No, I’m not.”
“It’s okay.” His eyes meet mine, and they’re full of so much sincerity, a fresh lump gathers in my throat. “You’re allowed to be sad,” he says.
“I’m not, though.” I choke on the lump. “Allowed to be sad, I mean.” When actual tears pool in my eyes, I shift from blinking to clenching my jaw. Maybe grinding my teeth down will keep the tears at bay.
“Sure you are.” Spencer’s lids dip half an inch, like he’s examining me. Recording my reactions. “Everyone gets sad.”
“You don’t understand.” I sigh, but the exhale doesn’t feel like a relief. “The McCoy kids? We all come with these hard, fast labels. Who we are. What people expect from us. It might as well be written in Sharpie across our foreheads.”
Spencer opens his mouth—probably to protest—so I cut him off before he can.
“Mac’s always stepping in as a father figure, taking care of his sisters and his own family. Looking after our mom. Fighting for the company. He’s a total GI Joe. One hundred percent reliable.”
Spencer’s head bobs. “I can see that.”
“And Olivia’s always so fashionable and beautiful. Head cheerleader. She’s Prom Queen Barbie.”
Spencer’s mouth quirks. “You look exactly like her.”
“Nah.” I shake my head. “I’ll never have the flair or style Liv does, you know?”
“I can’t exactly imagine being prom queen.”
I choke out a small laugh. It’s an improvement over sighing. “Then there’s Darby. The valedictorian. Most likely to succeed. Class president. She’s like an American Girl doll, all wholesome and goal-oriented.”
Spencer’s quiet for a moment. “Okay, then. What does that make you?” His eyes roam my face, and my stomach aches from the rawness of this moment. I’m not used to being seen like this. Ever. But Spencer’s asking, so I’ll answer.
“I’m thehappyMcCoy.” I put happy in air quotes. “Everyone counts on me to bring the fun. Like Tickle-Me-Elmo. Laughing for no reason. A little hysterical.” I shrug. “I’ve even got red hair.”
