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Eleven
Devon
“I thought you cleared all that shit up at work?” Ryan says. “Isn’t everything cool now?”
I glance up from my phone, feeling a little disorientated to be dragged away from the email exchange with Waho. “Yeah, everything’s good now,” I confirm.
“Then why are you still glued to your phone?” His tone is one of annoyance as he casts a pointed glance toward the phone in my hand. “We’re supposed to be hanging out, remember? Kid-free day?”
“Yeah, sorry, I was just replying to an email. I was actually talking about you, funnily enough.” I rise from the couch and slip my phone into my pocket, then head into the kitchen to retrieve a couple of beers from the fridge.
Ryan follows after me, continuing the conversation. “Who are you emailing aboutme?”he asks, a curious furrow in his brow. Then a grin spreads over his face as he considers something. “Wait—you’re not planning a surprise party or something, are you? It’s sweet of you to get started so early.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, because Holly would ever let anyone else even help plan a party, let alone take over the reins entirely.”
He nods. “Fair point.”
I snap the caps off our beers and hand Ryan his before returning to the living room. “Don’t go getting too excited. We just happened to be talking about The Kinks and I mentioned Lola. He thought it was epic that she was named after that song.”
Ryan stares at me in utter bafflement. “Who’s ‘he’?”
I blink at him a few times, confused. “I haven’t told you about the guy I’ve been emailing?”
He throws his hands out in frustration. “Obviously not!”
I shrug. “Okay, well there’s this guy I’ve been emailing. I don’t actually know his name, but I’ve worked out that he’s around our age and I’m pretty sure he lives in the UK, or he’s at least from here based off some of the words he uses.”
“Wait a minute—you’re emailing some random guy and talking about me?And my daughter?”
I wince under the force of Ryan’s glare and hold up a hand to ward off further anger. “Okay, yeah, that came off…bad. But I promise it’s not as weird as it sounds.”
“Well, I hope not, because it sounds completely fucking mental, mate!”
“Okay, can I see the emails?” Ryan asks.
“Fuck no!”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Why not? What’s in there that you don’t want me to see?”
“Nothing,” I’m way too quick to say.Nothing except me confessing to fantasising about Wes Holt, which I’ll go to my grave denying if I have to.I don’t mention Wes by name, of course, but I only have one ex future brother-in-law and Ryan’s not an idiot.
Ryan just arches a sceptical brow at me, and I know I’m going to have to give himsomething. Otherwise he’ll never let it go. With a loud sigh, I retrieve my phone from my back pocket. “Okay, you can look at the ones we send today. That’ll prove the thing I said about you and Lola was completely innocent.”
I bring up the recent email exchange and hand the phone over. Then I wait anxiously as Ryan reads through everything.
Once he’s done, he glances up at me, brows raised. “Okay, first of all, don’t think you’re off the hook just because you called me ‘epic,’” he says, holding up his fingers to count off. “Secondly, I can’t believe you still have Little Mix on your workout playlist. And thirdly, I don’t care how you spin it, this shit is weird, mate. You guys are emailing each other every day and you’ve never even met? You don’t even know each other’s names? That’s crazy.”
“It’s not crazy,” I argue. “What’s crazy is all the hate you have for Little Mix.”
Ryan just rolls his eyes. “Whatever, mate. Look, it’s your life, so do what you want. Just leave Lola out of it from now on.”
I nod. “Deal.”
It’s best to just let the issue drop; I know Ryan won’t be able to understand why I keep emailing with Waho. Truthfully, I don’t entirely understand it myself; the guy’s a complete arsehole most of the time, but he’s also laid-back, and funny, and—with the exception of that first response to my less-than-impressive tirade—completely non-judgemental. I’ve needed that lately, with thoughts of Wes Holt and that fucking belly ring invading my mind at the most inopportune times. I definitely lay part of the blame for this new influx of inappropriate thoughts at Waho’s feet, but he was right to point out that the foundation was already there. I’ve definitely noticed how attractive Wes is before—multiple times—but I’ve always kept a very tight lid on that line of thinking because of Emma; now, however, the lid is definitely off, and it’s a relief to have someone to vent to about it.
And that’s precisely the kind of thing that I could never explain to Ryan.
“So, tell me the truth—how are you holding up?” my sister asks me as we sit down at her kitchen table, mugs of tea in hand.
