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“You said it’s been years since you were with anyone,” I say hesitantly. “How many years?”
“I don’t know.”
“Oh.” I pause. “More than three?”
His hand stills on my back.
My stomach churns.
“Never mind,” I whisper, suddenly not so sure I want to hear his answer. “Let’s just pretend I didn’t ask that question. It’s none of my business.”
“Raven, look at me.”
I stare at the bubbles instead. I shouldn’t have asked. Of course, he’s been with other women since he met me. Why wouldn’t he be? We weren’t together. He wasn’t mine.
Liar,my mind whispers.
It’s not wrong. I hate the thought of him with someone else. I hate that he could be with someone else while claiming that I was his.
He curses beneath his breath and then hooks his finger under my chin, gently forcing me to look at him. I try to resist, but he’s implacable. He’s a big bully is what he is.
“What?” I say, glaring at him.
“I haven’t even thought about touching another woman since the day I met you,” he says, holding my gaze. “My goddamn dick hadn’t taken much interest in anything for years until you. Then I got one look at you, and he decided it was you or nothing, Raven.”
“Oh.” I swallow hard.
“Even knowing I couldn’t have you, I was faithful to you.”
“Rhys,” I whisper, feeling about two inches tall. Smaller.
“I don’t share and I won’t be shared. Does that answer your question?”
I nod.
“You done being mad now?”
I nod again.
He scrutinizes my expression and then shakes his head and chuckles. “Brant always said you were stubborn as all hell,” he mutters, tucking me back up against his chest. “Not like he could talk since he was stubborn as shit. But he loved to bitch about how recalcitrant you were.”
I smile at that. He did like to complain about me being stubborn. As if I didn’t get it from him. He was as hard-headed as they come. No one told him no or got in his way when he wanted something. He’d give you the shirt off his back, but if pushed far enough, he’d dig in his heels out of sheer spite.
He’d be furious if he knew about me and Rhys. I sigh sadly, deflating like a balloon at the thought. Guilt pricks at me, but I push it away. It’s too late to take it back now. I’m not even sure I would if I could. My dad was my hero, but he’s gone. No amount of wishing will change that or bring him back. But Rhys and I are still here. And we have to pick up the pieces the best we can. Maybe he wouldn’t approve of us being together. But I know he would want us to be happy. Rhys makes me happy. Somehow, that has to be enough. It’s all I have to offer because I can’t live my life for him. I have to live it for me.
I don’t want to end up like Marnie, angry at the world and pushing everyone away. If I don’t find a way to make peace with my dad’s death, that’s exactly how I’ll end up. I have so much anger inside me over it, so many unanswered questions. But Rhys grounds me. He brings me comfort and happiness. With him, I finally feel like I’m living again.
It has to be enough.
“What are you thinking about, songbird?” Rhys asks.
“Marnie. My dad.” I sigh, swirling my hand through the water. “You never did tell me what happened with her the other day.”
“We talked. We came to an agreement. The end.”
I snort, pretty sure he’s editing out a whole lot. “Is she doing okay? Does she look…happy?”
“She’s Marnie,” he says. “She looks beautiful. Your dad would love to see her carrying his kid.”
