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“I’m not sure yet,” I said, despite my anger toward Dominic. Derek had nothing to do with how pissed off I was at his brother. “But I’m going to find out. And I’m going to go back to that ship as soon as my wounds are healed, and I’m going to find those people who were there last night, and—”
“Stop,” the Chief said, leaning back in his chair. “Though you fucked up, De Ver, you also got something out of this whole mess. You got us a lead.”
“A lead,” I repeated.
“Yes. The men who own that ship work for high fae, and if we can get proof that that drug is actually high fae magic, like you said, it will be easy to go after them.” He flinched. “Well, noteasy,but not impossible.”
My heart skipped a beat. “I know it’s them. It has to be—the high fae are literally the only ones with enough resources to pull something like this off.”
“Except what’s their excuse?” the Chief asked. My mouth opened, but I had nothing to say.
What would be an excuse to even make a drug like Crackdown? Not for certain people, but in that amount and that easy to distribute?
“They crave it,” the Chief continued. “We’ve been talking to that Sullivan guy you brought in. He wants another shot, though he won’t say so. He won’t tell us why.”
My brows shot up. “Maybe…because people have trouble containing their supernatural side, and they want the peace Crackdown brings them?” It was just a guess based on Dominic. If that drug could makehimgo through all that trouble for it a second time, it must workreallywell.
“Take the day off. Think it through. Tomorrow, we can talk more,” the Chief said.
“I’m fine. I can work.”
“Take the damn day off, De Ver. I don’t want you around here, get it?” he said. “Our hands are tied until the Research crew finishes their tests, anyway. There’s nothing to do here today. Go.”
I wanted to argue. I wanted to give him a thousand other things I could have done instead of going home, but I saw in his eyes that he wouldn’t budge.
So, swallowing hard, I forced a smile on my face. “Thank you, Chief.” And I walked out of his office.
For the firsttime since I set foot in this place, Ihatedmy apartment. The walls mocked me. Theemptinessof it taunted me. Even the large windows overlooking the street and the lights that had always seemed so pretty to me annoyed me now.
The clock ticked as I sat on the couch, laptop on the table, a steaming tea next to it that I hadn’t touched yet. What the hell was I supposed to do here all day? I couldn’t clean—I didn’t have the energy yet. My wounds were healing—andreallyfast—but my body still needed more time to recover. Reading wasn’t cutting it. Movies weren’t cutting it. Music…ugh.
I lay back on the couch and closed my eyes, hoping I would be granted a miracle and sleep until morning. That way this day would be over fast, and I wouldn’t have to torture myself with my own thoughts. I wouldn’t have to wonder. I wouldn’t have to doanythingat all, just sleep, wake up, and keep moving.
But I couldn’t.
I tried moving to the bedroom, too, and soon, my restlessness got the best of me. I got to the point where I couldn’t even sit for one second, much like Derek.
Half my mind was made up to go to his place, find Dominic, and…what, exactly? He already told me he wanted the drug. Did he get a syringe last night at the ship? Did he inject himself with it again?
Was he okay?
Ugh. No, I was not going back to that house. It wasn’t my business. Soon, this case would be over, and there would be no more Crackdown to worry about, and Dominic would just go back to disappearing for months at a time and ignoring my existence when he was at the office. And maybe eventually the Chief would approve my request for a transfer, especially after the mess I’d made the night before. That way, I would get my happy ending.
Like hell.
Putting on my jacket, I walked out of the apartment and took the stairs up. I needed air. I needed some sun, even though it wasn’t very sunny out. Just a little would do. So, that’s why I went to the rooftop deck. It still wasn’t even noon, so there was nobody up there but me. The rooftop wasn’t big, and the ledge surrounding it wasn’t comfortable, but it was so much better than the couch in my apartment. That’s where I sat and watched the sky, the streets, the people. Right now, I felt helpless, but it wasn’t going to last. These feelings were going to fade eventually, but I also knew that I needed to let them out first.
My eyes were dry, which was a surprise. I cried easily, and it helped. Every time I did, it helped. Except now, I couldn’t bring myself to let out a single tear. All I could do was give my own mind space to think about whatever it wanted, all those intrusive thoughts that I had to block constantly. Now, I let them roam free.
A shaky breath left me when the images popped in front of my eyes—every other time I’d felt as hopeless as this, every time I’d almost lost my life in the past few months…every time I’d craved Dominic’s touch like he craved Crackdown. Every time he made me feel small, and then all-powerful, like nobody else but me existed in the world for him. The feelings broke me and mended me every few seconds as I looked up at the sky, but the tears never came. Instead, my magic reacted like it had been doing every time I was going through an emotional crisis, and I felt it vibrating under my skin like it was calling out my name. Like it wanted to be released.
Calling up a shield now would be useless—nobody was coming for my head. But…
I looked behind me, at the cracked concrete of the rooftop, and the weeds growing at the corners near the ledge. Had I ever tried to grow a weed before? I couldn’t remember, but probably. Almost without thinking, I raised my hand toward some right under where I was sitting and let out the magic that had gathered in my chest, making me feel twice my size. And it slipped from my fingers like it always did. The weeds moved a bit to the sides when my magic touched them, and…that’s it. They settled in their place again, looking exactly like they had when I first laid eyes on them.
I smiled at myself. “Maybe it’s because I’m pink,” I muttered. That’s what my brother Asher would always tell me. It wasn’tmyfault that my magic didn’t work. It was just because I was pink.
I turned to the sky again, rubbing my hands together to get rid of the buzzing of my magic. I’d long ago stopped feeling disappointed—right around when I’d stoppedtrying—so the fact didn’t get to me now.
