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“What?” Ben stops to look at me. His puzzled, beautiful face irritates me.
“Keep unscrewing and tell me whatever is on your mind. I can feel the unspoken question and it’s driving me crazy!”
Ben sighs, bends down, and resumes his work. “I keep thinking about what you said at the docks. You asked me how I knew distancing myself was best after Lavender fell.”
“And?” I keep pressing the underwire into the screw, knowing it does nothing. We’ll probably have to force the shelf off somehow. My blood rushes in my ears as I wait for Ben’s reply.
“The day Lavender fell, you followed Valerie. I followed you, then you broke down and pushed me away. I thought we were done. You kept saying there was darkness inside you, that you were tainted.”
I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember the fear, the rush of adrenaline, and the need for Ben to hold me.
I remember how easily Valerie died. It only took one good shove.
I don’t remember how Ben got there or what I said to him. But even if I pushed him away, he was supposed to stand by my side.
Chapter 25
Three months ago
Tanya has been in Valerie’s office for the last half an hour. Should I check on her? I look at my watch. It’s a bit past 10:00 a.m. and I’m in my happy place doing inventory, but something in the air feels different today. Or maybe I’ve just tuned in to Tanya’s unusual jumpiness.
Normally, she’s cold and aloof, like a beautiful clear icicle. Today she’s been rushing around like a blizzard. The last few months have been strained and the frequent changes in staff have put us all on edge. As always, I hide behind my fake indifference.
I know it’s wrong. Yet I can’t do anything; nothing that will make a big difference, anyway. I play with the idea of making some grand-gesture sacrifice for Tanya and Damien, maybe creating some big fiery diversion for Valerie and Penelope, but as soon as I think about it, my rational brain puts a stop to it.
A fire here would bring everything to light. Damien would be hurt, Tanya and everyone else who works here would be arrested or would have to fend for themselves on the streets. The true evil that are the customers of this place would simply choose another depraved club. The Empress would take me, her Hermit, back under her wing and either punish me with some unrelated, tedious job, or give me away to the police as part of Lavender’s staff. Whatever the case, she doesn’t like a liability.
Tanya appears in the hallway and comes to the bar, pulling me away from my pointless thoughts of being a hero. I’m just the bartender. And when I’m not, I’m just the cleanup guy. I can’t even fight or shoot properly. All I know is chemistry.
“Hi,” Tanya whispers and leans on the bar, which is already strange.
I raise an eyebrow in question. “Hi?”
“A few months ago, when we broke into the office and you told me how you feel about Valerie, has that changed?” she asks.
I look past her shoulder, checking if Brad is here or if any of the waitressing staff are around. Finding no one in earshot, I lean toward her face to reply. “No, why?”
“Stuff is going down tonight. Can you help us?” Her eyes dart across my face. She’s judging my reaction. Whatever is happening, she’s not joking about it.
“Who’s us?” It sounds like The Deck versus The Jesters, and I don’t like that. The Arcana must not be involved in the conflict of two other gangs. Particularly not when they’re fighting over the same territory. It will destabilize the frail balance in Chicago’s underworld.
She seems to notice my doubt and her face drops. “I can guarantee you, you don’t want to be here when the chaos unfolds.”
I breathe in and out, buying myself seconds to think. Everything in me screams not to get involved. Everything but a small part of my heart. Maybe I can save Tanya alone? It’s a selfish thought, but it’s the only way to ensure I stay away from the gang war. I would simply be saving the girl that I’ve been fantasizing about from the first day I started working here. Nothing more, nothing less.
I know she isn’t going to agree to that, though. She wants to save more people. She will want to make sure her boss is safe.
“I’ve never pried in your relationship with Damien, but is he worth it?” I ask in an even voice, picking up my rag and running it across the surface of the bar in circles. My bracelets jangle with the movement, providing me with a sound to focus on so I can steady my beating heart.
“I’m not doing this for Damien,” Tanya says, her voice taking on a new edge. “I’m doing this for me and the girls. You may be happy to be cleaning cups under anyone’s management, but try working like us!”
I recoil from her sharp words. I guess she’s at the edge of her patience with me. The mysterious vibe, the feigned indifference—it’s only cute for so long.
“You’ve always been on the sidelines, but soon that won’t be an option,” she continues. “You’ll be caught for their crimes and tried and sentenced like one of The Jesters.”
That argument hits home. I can’t be lumped with them, no matter what. Can I do something small? Something insignificant that will help me escape but also ‘accidentally’ help Tanya and her secret allies?
I lower the music to a quiet hum, in time to hear the fire door at the end of the corridor slam shut. Tanya looks ready to bolt, as she casts a glance toward the hallway.
