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And neither should these children or anyone else involved with him now.
I’m free. I’m thriving. I don’t need to get involved because for the first time in many years, my life is my own and I can do whatever the hell I want. And dealing with my grandfather doesn’t even make the list.
I have freedom that isn’t governed by the cycles of light and dark.
He doesn’t know I’m still here in this city. He won’t recognize me even if he did find me. Letting him into my thoughts, into my life, even in this small way, is unacceptable.
No matter what he claimed, he’s not immortal. He’s already old, so he’ll die on his own. There’s no point in pushing myself out of the comfort zone I worked so hard to achieve.
I throw the flyer to one side and it tumbles toward the opposite edge of the container. Turning back to the sky, I draw my legs up to my chest and hold them with my arms, giving myself a big hug. As the few stars twinkle in the light pollution, I imagine how I must look to them—small, insignificant, and free. Like a dust particle. There are no expectations of a dust particle. It just exists.
A human-shaped shadow covers my view, interrupting my conversation with the sky. I flinch, but when I hear a deep velvet ‘hello,’ I recognize the owner of the darkness-covered face.
Ben.
The guy who left me alone after I killed a person. The guy who ran away when I needed his support. The guy who saved my life and disappeared before I could thank him.
The guy I swore I would strangle the moment I saw him.
Chapter 5
Seven years ago
The girls are giddy. There’s a new bartender coming and we’ve heard he’s all shades of tall, dark, and handsome.
I don’t really care. I will be glad to get help; I’m struggling behind the bar. Making drinks was never my forte. Not that I know what is. I have to try everything at least once. I’m still learning about this new world of endless possibilities.
When he walks in, everyone who isn’t occupied in the private rooms crowds the door. They’re welcoming him like royalty, peppering him with questions. All we know is that he’s Damien’s special hire and that he’s damn good at mixing stuff.
Eventually, he parts the crowd and I get to see him. He’s not that tall. Definitely shorter than Damien, and not as buff. He looks normal. Brown eyes, short brown hair, symmetrical indistinct features. There’s a small mole under his left eye and nothing else that stands out.
As he heads for the bar, our eyes lock. He’s dressed in jeans and a dark shirt—smart casual, settling perfectly in Lavender’s pastel tones.
“I’m Ben.” He places a large palm on the bar counter and flashes me a smile that transforms his face.
One single butterfly flutters in my stomach at that. It’s a feeling gone in an instant, but it makes me return his smile.
“Tanya. I work the bar, and I guess you’ll be helping me with that.” I make space for him next to me and as he slides in, my skin tingles at the closeness of his body.
It’s not only that he’s a stranger, and that always raises my hackles, but he’s also a pretty stranger who seems to be popular among Lavender staff already. They like him, and I can’t tell why.
I need to find out. To learn and adapt. A year in this new world has taught me many things, but not enough. Will I ever feel like I belong here?
“Nice to meet you, Tanya.” He takes my hand from where it was resting behind the bar and shakes it. As it remains stiff in his, he puts it back, like an object he wasn’t supposed to pick up, and scratches the back of his head. He looks shy.
I keep quiet. My grandfather always told me that speaking out of turn was a sin, and some misbeliefs are hard to shake.
“Where should I start?” he asks after I don’t speak.
“Um,” I start, then notice Penelope’s arrival quickly dispels the girls who have gathered around him. “Lady Grey will tell you.”
“You are a bartender, right?” She doesn’t say hello, as per usual. Her face is a deep-set frown. The only time she smiles is when she’s with Damien, and even then I can see her muscles twitch with the strain to sustain an unfamiliar expression.
“I will be.” Ben chuckles.
“No, I mean, you do have skills, right? I don’t need to train you?” Penelope rolls her eyes.
I open my mouth to speak, then stop myself. I can’t oppose Damien’s wife.
