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Mynerveshavethebest of me as I drive to work. She’s going to be there this morning to drop off cookies and I’m not sure what to do. She definitely didn’t have the response I was hoping for, which is totally fine, but I hope I didn’t make her change her mind about us.
She thinks she doesn’t want to be or can be a mother, but she doesn’t see what I do. The way she interacts with Arthur is perfect. The day we picked her up to go to the zoo, she was a natural with him. I wish I knew how to show her or tell her that I know she can fill that role. I need to talk to her. I just hope there’s still a relationship to talk about.
I get to the clinic and make sure the door is left unlocked while I take my stuff to my office. I put my bag on my desk, and let my mind wander for a few seconds. I can still see where her hands were on my desk.
The ding of the door opening pulls me from it, and my stomach drops. I walk to the front and she’s adding cookies to the basket on the counter.
“Hi, Lily,” I say to her.
“Hi, Doctor Walker,” she replies, without looking at me.
I don’t know what to say to her, this isn’t a conversation I can have in ten minutes. She sets the last cookie down and I take a step towards her, and she takes one also, but backwards. She’s shaking her head, her eyes welling with tears.
“Lily, please.”
She puts her hand up to stop me from taking any more steps towards her.
“I’m sorry. I can’t. Not right now.”
I nod my head. “Okay, I understand.”
She turns and leaves, her sweet perfume filling the space she left. I watch as she gets into her car, her forehead goes to the steering wheel and her hands cover her face. She’s crying. Everything in me wants to go out there, to make her sadness go away, but I need to respect that she needs space.
Wedidn’ttalkallweek. I sent her a few texts, just to see how she’s doing, but she didn’t reply. I’m not giving up though.
“Dad, can I put a mini fridge in here?” Arthur asks.
“What?”
“You know, so I can have snacks.”
I laugh. “Maybe a cooler on the weekends but there’s no electricity up here, so no to the fridge.”
“Darn, but a cooler is good too.”
I tie the knot in the rope that we hung next to the entrance of the house. We are going to add a tire eventually but for now it works as a good way to get down if he doesn’t want to use the ladder.
“Give it a try,” I tell him.
He grabs onto the rope with both hands and holds it between his knees, then slides down.
“Don’t go too fast, don’t wanna get rope burn on your hands.”
“I’ve got it, Dad. Don’t worry.”
I chuckle. “Alright, buddy. I won’t.”
I climb down the ladder and Arthur is already trying to climb back up the rope. I show him how to wrap it around his foot. He makes it a few feet before giving up.
“Going down the rope is more fun than going up,” he says, then climbs the ladder.
“Alright buddy, I’m going to go get dinner made, okay?”
“Okay.” He disappears inside. I think he will be spending nights in his house.
I get inside and decide on something simple. We worked all day, I’m exhausted, and it’s only an hour before Arthur needs to go to bed.
“Mac-n-cheese it is.”
