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Grace gave him a look that said he should know the answer to this. “Because I don’t know them?” she said, and his stomach tightened again. The pressure on his chest increased until it hurt to breathe, but he carried on anyway. Because that was what he always did.
Anton Kovalev carried on. He did not quit.
Not even when his feelings were hurt.
This was one of the reasons why he hated feelings.
“But I do,” Anton huffed.
“You just said you didn’t know Jones.” She nodded to the man, who still stared at a spot on his table. “He scuttles,” she said, wiggling her fingers for emphasis. “They were guilty scuttles. I saw them. And I’m going to see what he’s drawing.” She began to stand straight when Anton surprised her by stepping past her.
It was too much. He’d had enough.
If he stayed any longer he’d give into the dark feeling settling over him. That bleakness that made him turn into the man he’d been. He didn’t want to do that now. Not with Grace. Not after what had happened.
He had to go, and he had to do it now.
“Where are you going?” she asked when he pulled the hat from his head and dropped it onto the table with athunk.
“To think,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. He was already looking towards the coffee shop doors when she spoke.
“But, Jones…”
“Is still a part of the team, just like the other fifteen people you have on that list, and that isn’t okay. Why didn’t you at least tell me who you were looking at when you made that list?”
She swallowed hard and looked contrite when she answered him. “I, ah, well… I thought you might be too partial to them.”
“And you’re not partial to yours?” he asked her. Anyone that knew her knew that she adored her scientists. That she would never think to accuse them of such a thing, let alone put their name on a list where they would be suspects.
“Anton, come on.” She reached a hand out toward him, but he had already stepped back from the table.
“Have fun with whatever this is.” He gestured toward Jones’s table. “I’m done.”
Dark and bleak was here now.
It was loud and doing its goddamn thing, but he reigned it in. He forced it back into himself and shook his head when Grace tried to move towards him.
He was done with it.
fifteen
“Scienceand everyday life cannot and should not be separated."—Rosalind Franklin
“Anton, wait!” Grace pushed back from her table and made towards him with a grab. The movement snapped Jones out of his stupor and he realized that his boss and Grace were only a few feet away. He straightened up, hands going to his sketch pad, which Grace noticed he snapped shut right away. She made a strangled sound in her throat and frowned, but Anton was moving again.
He had to get out of here before he said something he regretted. He was already hurt. Wasn’t that enough?
Anton raised a hand in farewell before he turned. “Call me later, Grace,” he called out as he left the coffee shop.
“Anton, wait!” Grace cried. She took a few half-hearted sort of sprinting steps towards him before the crowd making for the coffee shop counter blocked her way. “Anton!” She tried again, but he was gone. The door opened and closed, but she had no clue if it was even from Anton leaving or from people coming and going. She was trying to push through when Jones made his way to her side.
“He wasn’t looking for me about the reports I haven’t filed, right?” The man managed to look unflustered, even in the wake of her flailing.
She blinked at him. She’d forgotten the man had even been there.
“Reports? W-what reports?” she said once she had managed to get her heart rate under control.
“I forgot to get my weekly report in, but I mean, it was just all the settling in and customs stuff…” Jones said, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t think it was that big a deal. Mindy told me it was okay.”
