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Someone with her code.
For all her bravado, Grace followed rules. She craved them for the order they provided, a necessity given her line of work. Until today she had never given her access code to anyone. Not even Lou. And then, today of all days, she’d done it. Given the info to Anton with a smile and a kiss.
She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force her breath to come, but it was in vain. Before long she had to lean against the table to keep herself from falling when her legs felt like they couldn't support her under the realization. There wasn’t a thing she would have refused Anton. Not after this weekend. The intimacy that had sprung up between them had woven itself deep into her, settled into her bones, made her believe that good and magic did come to people who least expected it. This week she’d fallen in love, and because of it she’d handed her best friend’s work, their work, over without so much as a flicker of hesitation.
Silly, stupid, girl.
Useless Grace.
Always missing the mark, trusting too easily, loving too deeply, always eager for warmth.
He’d shown her exactly who he was on their first meeting and she hadn’t listened. Anton had taken what he wanted, and she hadn’t even realized it.
twenty-one
“Above all,don’t fear difficult moments. The best comes from them.” —Rita Levi-Montalcini
“What do you mean, you gave him your access code?” Lou’s voice shook, but despite it the woman managed to keep her panic under wraps. Normally, the knowledge that one’s life’s work has been wiped away would be a cause for a meltdown, or at the very least some crying or threatening. But not when your best friend looked like her heart had just been shattered into a million tiny pieces. Or at least, Grace guessed that’s what was going on with the way Lou was looking at her. She wasn't angry, she was worried, and not for herself.
Lou was worriedfor her.
“I’m sorry,” Grace whispered, eyes darting to the side and fingers twisting in her sweater. “I don’t know what I was thinking and, oh god, what did I do? I was so stupid. So stupid.”
“You weren’t stupid.” Lou swallowed and then crossed the room in three quick steps. “Hey, it’s okay,” she murmured, reaching for her friend, who flinched and took a hasty step backward.
She raised her hands up, warding her friend off. She didn’t deserve comfort. Not right now with how angry she was at herself for her idiot actions. She’d taken everything they’d worked for and handed it right over on a silver platter.
“I-I’m sorry.” Grace shook her head, arms wrapped around herself. She shied away when Lou’s hand touched her elbow, but Lou didn’t let her pull away.
Lou gave her arm a tug. “Look at me, Gracie.”
“No.”
“Gracie.” Lou’s voice, thick with unshed tears, cracked, and the sound was like a dagger to Grace’s heart. Sucking in a deep breath, Grace finally dared to look up and meet her best friend’s eyes. Grace had thought to find anger, hurt...betrayal even, at her foolishness. She expected angry words and accusations to fall from Lou’s mouth, but nothing came, and the pair stared at one another in silence.
Finally, Grace spoke. “I’m so sorry.”
“I know.” Lou nodded, fingers tightening on her friend’s arm, and she gave her a watery smile. “I know.”
“I didn’t think he would steal it,” Grace whispered, tears slipping down her cheeks. “I trusted him.’
What they had lost was irreplaceable. Data from their time in Arizona, from those first long grueling nights and days when they didn’t have a clue what they were doing and got by on luck and their trust in one another, in their friendship. It had all been there on those servers. There were some backups, but none of it complete. And now Grace had gone and put something above that love and trust that had always been rock solid for them.
What had she done? How could Lou ever stand to look at her again, be her confidant, let alone work with her?
“I’m sure there’s an explanation,” Lou said. “I know Anton, and I know you didn’t mean for this to happen. Even if it happened all at once.”
Grace shook her head. “They have to be linked. It doesn’t make sense otherwise. They said I logged on right before, and I had even given him my device. He had them both. The tech said it came frommy device.”
“That does complicate things.” Lou ran a hand through her hair with a sigh. She closed her eyes and leaned back against the counter, looking tired. Suddenly the spirit that normally made Lou seem invincible had vanished. Grace hated it, but what she couldn’t stand was that she had played a part in it. A silence settled in the room as Lou continued to lean against the table, and the words that Grace couldn’t seem to get out caught in her throat. Apologies were not going to cut it. Not when their work was missing and Lou’s career hung in the balance. She had gained traction only recently. There would be no way she could recover from losing her research.
“I love him,” she whispered, voice cracking. She felt stupid saying it out loud but it didn’t change it. She hadn’t said it to him, but she’d thought he knew. At least with the way their weekend had gone. This wasn’t how she’d dreamed of admitting it. Not for the first time.
Lou smiled, eyes still closed. “I know,” she said. “I don’t blame you.”
Grace sniffled against the tears threatening to fall. “I lost your research.”
Lou’s eyes popped open. “Our research,” she corrected, with a shake of her head. “Ourresearch, Gracie.”
