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Christian pauses; his shoulders heave. I stalk forward, wrap my arm around his neck and pull him to me. "I know it hurts," I swallow, "I know how much he meant to you... To all of us. We won’t let this go unpunished."
Christian tries to shake off my arm, but I don’t let go. "Cry, go punch a bag, do what you need to do to let off steam. Then, when you’re thinking straight, come find me and we’ll finish this."
Christian avoids eye contact. He pulls away and I release him. He stalks off and I turn to Adrian, "Stay with him. See that he doesn’t hurt himself... Or get himself killed."
Adrian follows him while Seb draws abreast with me. "What now, Capo?"
"Now we track down the bastards," I square my shoulders, "but first, I need to see my wife."
"You took off without seeing her, now you want to go back?" Seb shoots me a sideways glance, "What's happening with you, brother?"
"None of your bloody business," I growl at him.
He frowns at me and I blow out a breath. "I wanted to get here and make sure that Xander was..." I squeeze my eyes shut, "that he was okay. That Christian was able to deal with the grief. That he..." I swallow down the ball of emotion in my throat, "wasn't going to do something crazy."
"You mean, like kill himself?" Seb says in a low voice.
I turn on him. "Don't fucking say that aloud; don't even go there," I warn him as I try to deny my own fears. I bunch my fingers into fists, "I will do everything in my power to keep my brothers, my family...to keep all of you safe, you feel me?"
Seb jerks his chin, "You're a good Capo, and an even better brother and husband, but—"
"But?"
"You can't control everything, Mika. Not even you can cheat death. When it's time to go, it's time to—"
I grab his collar and shove him against the wall, "The fuck are you getting at, Seb?" I thrust my face into his, "You trying to tell me I couldn't have saved him? Or my unborn child? Or prevented my wife from getting hurt? Is that it?"
"I'm trying to tell you that it's not your fault, Capo."
He holds my gaze, his own calm and steady. Somehow, in the last few weeks he's grown more mature, more patient, able to keep a clear head while I am on the verge of losing my shit.
It comes from being too close to a situation. I understand it. Hell, I have seen men crack when tragedy came knocking on their doorstep. I'd always thought I was above that. I thought I was invincible, that even if something happened to me or mine, I'd be able to deal with it, to find a way through it. Yet here I am, unable to face my own wife, which is what had sent me running from her in the first place. And now, I can't wait to see her again, to make sure that she is safe. Apparently, I can't make up my mind about something as simple as, do I want to stay with her or stay away from her? And there is only one way to find out. By going back to her. By being in the same room as her. By finding out how it feels to hold her again, to breathe in her scent, to take in her gorgeous features, to look into her eyes and apologize for not having been able to protect her from what happened.
I release Seb, then step back. "I'm sorry," I roll my shoulders, "I know you mean well."
"And I know you love your family and her more than anything else in this world."
"Like that made a difference when it came to their welfare." I rub the back of my neck, "I am aware that not even I can cheat death." I bare my teeth, "Doesn’t mean I am not going to try my damnedest."
Turning, I stalk toward the exit.
3
Karma
Thump, thump, thump. The muffled sound reaches me, then fades away. I glance around at the white space that envelops me. I am floating on a cloud of nothingness. It’s peaceful here and so…so lonely. A chill grips me. I glance around, take in the white space that envelops me. Where am I? I try to move but my limbs feel too heavy. I try to put one foot in front of the other but my legs don’t seem to obey me. The scent of something dark and edgy teases my nostrils. His scent. I glance up, spot a man walking away from me.
"Capo," I try to reach for him, but am not able to move. Thump, thump, THUMP. The sound grows louder. More persistent. It mirrors his steps as he stalks away from me. His broad shoulders, that narrow waist, those powerful thighs that flex as he puts more distance between us.
"Capo," I yell, but he doesn’t look back.
"Michael," I scream as I push myself forward, but am not able to move.Why can’t I move?"Mika, stop, don’t go, Mika!"
"Beauty?"
"Mika," tears flow down my cheeks, "oh, Mika, where are you?"
"Here." Warm fingers twine with mine and I force my eyes open. Blue eyes meet mine, a burning white in their depths that echoes the white I had been surrounded by.
