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"I am the one who should be sorry." A nerve flares at his temple, "I’ll never forgive myself for this."
"It’s because of you, I am alive, Mika." I frame his face with my palms, "It’s because of your foresight that I am here."
"But he isn’t." His voice is dull, "Xander is gone, and so is our child. I should have seen this happening. I should have known that as soon as I allowed myself to feel for you, that as soon as I fell in love with you—"
He firms his lips, attempts to pull away, but I grip his lapels. "You love me?" I whisper. "Of course, you love me. I knew it, Mika. I knew it...even before you told me."
"Past tense," he grabs my fingers and detaches them from his shirt, "I loved you."
"Wait, what?" I blink. "You don’t mean it."
"Don’t I?" His lips twist, "Now that you’re no longer the mother of my child, I don’t see any reason for this arrangement to continue."
Something hot stabs at my chest. I gaze into his features, and of course, he stares back. He allows me to read the intention in his eyes. The decision he’s made is clear in the cut planes of his face.
"Don’t do this, Mika. Don’t push me away. Not now; not when I need you; not when we need each other."
"I don’t need you." His fingers squeeze mine as if he’s imprinting the sensation of my skin against his, then he releases me.
"I don’t believe you," I reach for him and he steps back.
"Believe it, Karma." He straightens. "I never should have taken you from London, should have never married you. If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t be in this situation today."
"You need to let go of the guilt, Mika, and look forward. Xander is gone, but I am still here and I love you, Mika; I do."
He winces, then squares his shoulders. "It doesn’t matter anymore." He balls his fists at his sides, "All that matters is tracking down the men who did this and making sure that they pay for it."
"You need revenge. I understand," I tip up my chin, "but that’s not going to bring back Xander or our child."
"A few weeks of being with me and you think you know me?"
"I know what’s going to hurt you, Mika, and this…this quest for vengeance will destroy whatever you have left. It will destroy us."
He chuckles, "There is no more us, Karma, can’t you understand that?"
"No," I tuck my elbows into my sides, "but what I do understand is that you are hurting and lashing out. And you think if you sever your connection with me—which, by the way, you can’t—but you think if you cut all ties with me, I am going to be safe, and you’re wrong."
"Oh?"
I nod, "It doesn’t work that way, Mika. It’s not you, it’s the lifestyle you are in that was bound to backfire on you some day. And it did."
He scoffs, "You going to lecture me about my beliefs and my values now?"
I shake my head, "No, of course, not. If anyone can understand the pull of the dark side, it’s me, Michael. It’s why we are so well-suited."
"It’s why you are lying here on a hospital bed, having lost our child."
I squeeze my eyes shut. "You are trying to hurt me, Michael, and it’s because you are in so much pain right now. Why can’t you share it with me? Why can’t you lean on me? Why can’t you allow me to lean on you, when I need it the most right now?"
"Because. I. Can’t." His voice is so anguished, so full of torment that I snap my eyes open.
"Michael, please don’t do this," I beg. "Don’t leave me; not now."
"You are free to go back to your family." He looks everywhere but at my face. "I’ll make sure to tell Antonio to help you with any arrangements."
He turns to leave and I call out, "I am not going anywhere."
He freezes.
