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"If you dare tell me that’s what I have to do... Then I’m going to deck you, right now."
"You’re too weak to deck me." His lips tilt up slightly, "And no, that’s not what I was going to tell you…but," he raises a shoulder, "I have to admit, that statement seems to carry a modicum of truth right now."
I glare at him, then at the note in my hand.Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.I sit down heavily on the bed, stare at her ring. Where are you, Beauty? Did you think that I’d actually allow you to leave and not track you? Did you think that the better part of me would prevail and that I’d actually let you go? I crumple the piece of paper in my palm, close the fingers of my other hand around the ring.
36
One month later
Karma
"How much is this dress?"
I glance up from arranging the outfits in my stall in Camden Market. When I’d walked out of the hospital, I’d headed to the flat that I’d arranged to rent before I’d left for the island with Michael. Then, I’d focused on getting my little fashion designing business up and running. I’d managed to wrangle back my place in the market and had gone to work creating outfits in the style I love. I’d poured all of my efforts into it, in an attempt to drown out thoughts of Michael and the life I had decided to leave. I’d been diligent in taking the medicines that had been prescribed to me by the specialist at the hospital and have already been back for a follow-up.
I had insisted on paying for my treatment with the money in my bank account. Technically, it was still Michael’s money… Except, well, in a way, I had earned it for the time I had been his wife. I shouldn’t have used the money at all, actually…but I didn’t have any other means to live on. And I didn’t want to take a loan from Summer… To do so, would have meant I’d have to tell her everything I’d been through, and honestly, I am still not ready for that. To be honest, I am not ready for any kind of company. Which is why I’d simply stuck to the flat, set up my studio in the spare bedroom and worked my ass off to get enough outfits ready for market day—which is today.
It also means I’ve gone an entire month without communicating with anyone. Except for the visits to the shops to choose my fabrics and to order what I needed to set up my studio, that is. I haven’t spoken to any of my friends since moving to the flat.
I’d also messaged Summer to let her know that I was doing fine, but that I needed more time to figure out the status of my relationship with my 'guy.'
I know it’s selfish of me, not speaking with Summer for so long, or meeting her now that I am in London. But I really do need to figure out where my head’s at regarding the status of my marriage.
Besides, she is busy with her husband and the circle of friends she’s built, thanks to being married to one of the Seven. So, although it hurts that we’ve gone this long without communicating… It’s also a relief that I am not answerable to anyone else. Not my sister, not my husband… Not even, to my cat. I miss Andy almost as much as I miss him…
Okay, I misshima lot more…when I allow myself to think of him. Which is…most nights. In those moments before I fall asleep, and those early morning moments before I wake up, when my guard is down and I am at my most vulnerable, that’s when thoughts of him crowd in on me. Is he still tracking me on a screen somewhere? A blue dot that he can’t reach out to but which indicates to him exactly where I am? Does he miss me as much as I miss him? The feel of me. The touch of me. The scent of me. Does he miss being inside of me as much as I miss the girth of him thrusting into me, stretching me, filling me. My toes curl. Heat flushes my skin.
I glance up to find the woman who’d been interested in buying the dress I’d created staring at me strangely.
"Are you okay?" She frowns, "You look flushed."
Which is saying something, considering it’s freezing right now, at this outdoor stall where I am.
"I’m fine." I jerk my chin toward the dress she’s holding, "There’s only one of those in existence, you know?"
She glances at the dress, then back at me, "Really?"
I nod, "It’s a Karma original. A unique dress handcrafted just for you."
She runs her fingers over the purple collar, "It has a certainje ne sais quoifeel about it, for sure." She rubs her palm across the embroidered vest that constitutes the top half of the dress. "And these colors... They are gorgeous."
"They are," I agree, "inspired by the colors of Sicily."
"Sicily?" Her eyes gleam. "Now the red and black mixed with the ochre yellow makes sense."
"It does, right?" I take in the dress with pride. "I tried to bring to life all of the smells and tastes and textures I found when I was there."
"Oh, did you live there?"
"Yes," I murmur, "I’ve only been back a month."
"Were you there on work?"
"Eh?" I frown. "No, not really, I was…"marriedis what I am going to say, then change my mind. "Uh, I was there on unfinished business."
"And did you complete it?"
I frown. "Complete what?"
