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I hear her moving around, then she comes back into focus again. "Had to refill my wine glass again, as well."
"So, he took you, but here you are, talking to me, so I assume Massimo found you and rescued you?"
I nod. "He did, with the help of some colleagues of his. I admit, it did get hairy, and there may have been some shooting involved."
"Oh my gosh, they shot at you?"
"They ended up knocking me out, actually," I reply.
She peers into my face. "They knocked you out?"
"Yeah, uh, you can’t see the wound now," I gesture to my forehead. "Makeup, and it wasn’t serious, so it’s been fading quickly. Thank God. Can you imagine how it would’ve looked if I turned up for the audition with not one, but two scars?” I joke.
She frowns. "Seriously, though, you’re okay?"
I nod.
"And Massimo?"
"He, uh, was hurt. That’s what caused this issue."
"He was shot?" she asks slowly.
I nod.
"And then what happened?"
I shuffle my feet, take another big gulp of the wine. “I saw him collapsed on the floor and thought he was gone. I had a mini-meltdown, and then I found out he was alive and lost my mind."So, it was a full-on losing-my-shit kind of breakdown, but whatever.
"I don’t understand.” Penny blinks rapidly, “You lost your shit because you found out he was alive?"
"I lost it because I thought I’d lost him. Then, I discovered he was fine and lost it even more."
She shakes her head. "Okay, explain it to me. I get that you freaked out when you thought the bullet had gotten him. Then, you discovered he was alive, and you freaked out some more?"
"You don’t understand." I jump up to my feet and begin to pace. "When I saw him lying on the floor, I thought I’d lost him. I think my heart stopped beating. I mean, my entire body went cold. I couldn’t feel my hands or legs. I tried to wake him up, but he was so still. Then, he opened his eyes and… I looked into them and knew things would never be the same again."
"So, you discovered you love him."
"Well, I realized I loved him just before Alvaro’s men kidnapped me. But when I thought I’d lost Massimo, I—” I swallow. “I realized I couldn’t live without him." I stop in front of the phone screen. "Do you see how that changes everything? Now I’ll want to be with him, probably follow him wherever he goes, maybe move back to Palermo—" I shudder. "Then, I’ll probably end up getting pregnant very soon, and then, goodbye career."
"Would that be so bad?" Penny asks softly. "Don’t you want to find a man and get married and have kids?"
"Of course I do. But I promised myself when I ran from my family that I wouldn’t waste the opportunity I’d been given. So many women never get the chance to pursue their dreams. I have this chance and don’t want to waste it, you know?"
"Don’t you think you can have both? Why does it have to be one or the other?"
"Is it really possible to have both? I think of having Massimo in my life and I lose sight of everything else. When I’m in his presence, he’s all-consuming. All I can think of is being with him, wanting him, holding him… He overpowers all of my thoughts, his personality subsumes me, and I worry about losing myself and losing sight of my dreams. And as for kids..." I shake my head. "I can’t even think about it. I know I’m not supposed to say that. As a woman, motherhood is supposed to be the most important thing I can accomplish, but right now, I can’t even think of children. I’m too busy trying to figure out myself, you know, and what I become when I’m with him."
"You’re afraid of how he makes you feel?"
"I’m afraid of…" I glance away. "…of what I feel when I’m with him. Everything is too intense, too real. It’s too much."
"So, you decided to run away?"
"I decided to take a short break," I correct her.
"You sure about that? You sure this is not a tactic to break things off completely?" She scowls at me.
