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"So why don’t you marry her instead?” she asks.
"I would, but she turned me down.” I rub the back of my neck. “She claims she’s in love with thatstronzo,Declan."
Solene scoffs. "She’s not. She had eyes only for you."
"And Declan couldn’t take his gaze off of you." I roll my shoulders. "Olivia also said she needs time to figure out what to do with her life. The scarring on her face hasn’t been easy for her. I understand, but I wish she’d let me help."
"I think she’s scared of her feelings for you. Maybe what she needs is a little push."
I narrow my gaze. "You don’t want to go through with this wedding, I take it?"
"Not anymore, I don’t." She glances to the side then back at me. "I have a reason to fight now."
"Hmm..." I drum my fingers on my thigh. "Maybe we can help each other."
28
Olivia
Declan dropped me back at my place. We didn’t speak much on the way back, both of us lost in our thoughts. He walked me up to my apartment, and asked me if my sister wanted to go through with the wedding. I saw the hope on his face, which faded when I told him she seemed content with the arrangement the last time I asked her. Of course, I noticed she couldn’t keep her eyes off of him at dinner and hung on his every word, but I didn’t want to get his hopes up. His features clouded before he set his jaw, a glint of resolution shining in his eyes. Something I knew meant trouble. An instinct which was confirmed when he asked me for the address to where Solene was staying.
I didn’t have the energy to tell him it was a bad idea to visit her and he shouldn’t go through with whatever it was he was thinking about doing. Instead, I bid him good-night, locked the door behind me, and collapsed on my bed.
I barely slept all night—plagued by thoughts of how Massimo hadn’t taken his eyes off of me all through dinner, how he’d been so distraught that he’d broken his glass, how he’d wanted to touch me, yet held himself back. And then, he’d walked away. He’d been right to do that. After all, he’s engaged. And he’d managed to not compromise his values. I have to respect him for that.
There’s nothing stopping him from touching my sister, though. When Declan and I returned to the table, they both were gone. No doubt, he was dropping her back home. Would he touch her, hold her, kiss her, caress her?
Images of the two of them together occupied my mind all night. Every time I shut my eyes, I saw them together. My entire body tensed, my muscles locking with tension, and I honestly thought I would throw up. I finally dozed off, and woke up close to noon with a raging headache, which had nothing to do with the wine I drank last night, and everything to do with the images I tortured myself with.
I glance at myself in the mirror and winced—dark circles under my eyes, hollowed cheeks, and the scar, which stands out even more against my skin. Not only have I lost my looks, but I’m also dangerously close to losing my mind. I squeeze the edge of the sink and take stock. I can’t go on like this. I need to get away from here. At least I’ve already heard back from Declan’s agent, who’s happy to take me on and wants to meet me right away in London. It’s best I move to London, and if all goes well, to LA.
Given how much I enjoy live performance, I should focus on becoming a stage actress, but being shot during my first performance as a lead actress has, somehow, cured me of the urge to go on stage again. Not that I’m looking forward to facing a camera with the scar on my face. But between the two, I know which one I’d pick. And with a new agent who seems to believe in me, I have a better chance at getting roles.
It’s time to move on with my life and leave the past—and him—behind. My stomach churns, and my chest hurts. I breathe into the pain, but it doesn’t help. The helplessness builds inside of me, fills my cells, and pushes up against my skin until it feels too tight for me. I need to relieve this pressure, but how? I glance around, and grab the knife I left on the counter. Then pull up the hem of my nightshirt and drag the blade across my thigh.
The blood drips down my leg, and instantly, some of the pressure inside of me releases. I know what I’m doing is wrong… but I’m not hurting anyone, am I? Except me, of course. I started doing it recently... after I was shot. I’ll stop soon, I promise. It’s just to cope with the pressure of everything. It’s not easy facing the camera, and even less so, now that my face is not like it used to be. But I can do it. I have to. I can’t give up, not now. I grab the antiseptic, dab it on the wound, then wince when the burn radiates up my hip. I grab the bottle of ibuprofen, shake some out into my palm, and swallow it with water. By the time I’ve showered and dressed, I feel better. I need to get out of this town. But first, I need to say goodbye to my sister. She’s the only one in my family I still want to see, but once she marries Massimo… I squeeze my eyes shut. My heartbeat ratchets up. My pulse pounds at my temples. Why is the thought of the two of them together so unbearable? I need to leave before the wedding, and then try not to see her again. Ever. That’s the only way out.
Half an hour later, I stare at the black Maserati parked outside the house where my family is staying. It’s Massimo’s car. Is he in there with my sister? I glance at the house, then hesitate. Do I have the courage to go in there? Do I leave without seeing my sister one last time? A ball of emotion crowds my throat. I try to breathe, but my lungs burn. Oh, my god, I’m going to burst into tears and embarrass myself. No way can I go in there, I can’t. I turn to leave. I’ve taken only a couple of steps when I hear her.
"Livvy!" Solene’s voice calls out from behind me.
I cringe, but don’t dare turn.
"Livvy, where are you going?" I hear footsteps behind me, and like a coward, I begin to walk faster.
"Livvy, stop!" My sister’s footsteps sound behind me and she draws abreast. "Livvy, where are you going?" She steps in front of me, forcing me to stop. Her face is flushed, her blonde hair flowing around her shoulders. "Were you going to leave without coming inside?"
"I—" I blink away my tears. "I… uh, forgot something."
"Did you really?" She peers into my face. "Or are you lying to me again?"
"Again? What do you mean again?"
"You aren’t happy about my marrying Massimo, are you?"
"That’s not true." I draw myself up to my full height. "I fully support your decision to go through with the wedding."
"Do you? I thought you said I could do better. That I didn’t have to sacrifice my future for the family?"
