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When I open my eyes next, I’m curled up on his chest, his thick arm pinning me to him.Thud-thud-thud;the drumbeat of his heart mirrors mine. Good to know I’m not the only one shaken by what just happened. Speaking of, I need to get away from him to salvage what little of my brain power is still left. I begin to pull away, but he doesn’t release me.
I glance up to find he’s watching me with angry eyes.
“What?” I yawn. “What’s wrong?”
His gaze intensifies. A nerve throbs at his temple. There’s a furrow between his eyebrows, and I reach up to smooth it. He pulls away.
I blink.
“What is it, Massimo?” I ask cautiously.
“When were you going to tell me?”
I frown, “Tell you what?”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.”
“But I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I half-smile, but he glares at me, and the smile drops from my face. “I really have no idea what you’re talking about,” I confess.
“Oh?” He rubs his fingers over the now healed cuts on my thigh.
I shrink away, but he grips my hip and holds me in place.
“How long have you been cutting yourself, Via?”
“Cutting myself? I don’t cut myself. I just fell and hurt myself. I—"
“Don’t bullshit me.” His eyebrows slash down. “Is it the incident with the shooter that prompted this? Is it the pressure of rebuilding your career from scratch? How long has this been happening?”
I blow out a breath. “Not long, okay? And it’s only a few cuts, in a place where no one else can see—”
“I can see it.” He peers into my eyes. “You’re hurting, Via. What you’ve been through is not easy. It’s understandable that a part of you is still trying to cope with it. Also, you forget something.”
“Oh?” I tip up my chin. “And what is it that I’m forgetting?”
“This body is mine, Via. Mine. You can’t cut it, or scar it, or do anything intentionally to hurt it, because it belongs to me, Via. You feel me?”
I swallow. A pressure builds at the backs of my eyes. Something huge seems to have dug itself into my chest and refuses to let go. “You’re a jerkass, you know that? How dare you talk about my body like it’s your possession.”
“Because it is. Your every breath, every thought, every emotion is owned by me. When you hurt yourself, you hurt me; you are a part of me, Via. And I will not let you harm what is mine.”
A hot sensation grips my chest. My nose stings. My cheeks hurt. I blink away the tears that threaten to trickle out and set my jaw. “You’re crazy.”
“And you’re going to see a psychologist about this.”
“Am not.” I jut out my chin. “It’s a phase. It’ll pass; that’s all it is, I promise.”
“I understand why you cut yourself. I understand how you feel better when you do it, but the release is temporary. It’s going to harm you more in the long term, and I won’t let you do that to yourself, Via.”
Of course he’s right and I know it, but couldn’t he have let me keep this secret a little longer? I squeeze my eyes shut.
“Fine, I’ll see a psychologist,” I mumble.
“Besides, now that we’ve started fucking again, that should relieve most of the pressure. I plan to make you orgasm so hard and so often that the rush of endorphins from the climaxes I grant you will ensure that you don’t miss the high from the cutting.”
I pop open my eyelids and gape. “You sure have an ego the size of the budget of a Marvel movie.”
