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Ian:They are.
Well,that was pithy.
Me:Then maybe you should work this out with them, too?
Ian:I’m working on that. I really do like you. I want to be there for you.
Me:As a friend?
Ian:Yes.
Me:And if I want something more?
I chewedon my lower lip.
Ian:We’ll talk tomorrow. You should get some sleep.
Yeah.I sighed and closed my eyes. It wasn’t a no, but it wasn’t a yes. Okay. “That’s it,” I said aloud. “No more chasing. I want him to want me, but I’m not going to beg for it. We’re all mostly adults…” Well, technically Ian was the only adult, but Coop was getting there, and we were all turning eighteen—them this year and me in spring of next year. “Leave it, Frankie. If he wants you, he’ll figure it out.”
If he didn’t or if he couldn’t…well, maybe I shouldn’t be going to Homecoming with him.
That thought made my stomach hurt.
I totally didn’t switch the phone over to the songs he sent me, nor did I put them on repeat before I put the phone on a charger. I didn’t roll over on my side, and I definitely didn’t lie there thinking about how I could have handled it differently and how it was going to feel if Ian was well and truly out.
Because after tonight? If I was still dating the other three and not him, I didn’t see him hanging around much. Even if he wanted to, I didn’t know if the guys would want him there.
That part?
That sucked.
His songs? They had just enough love, loss, and longing in them to make me ache.
Another message blinked on the screen.
Ian:I care, Frankie. I know it doesn’t feel like I do. But I do care.
No,I didn’t have the wherewithal to respond to that, so I just swiped up to close the message and then burrowed against the pillow. It wasn’t curling up next to Jake, but it still smelled like him.
Morning came,and I was not in the mood for it. Sleep had been elusive as hell all night. Just when I’d start to go to sleep, I’d jerk awake. I kept replaying my conversations with Ian. Then the conversations with Jake, Coop, and Archie.
Maybe what we needed to do was all sit down and talk. I’d talked to them individually, and maybe that was a problem. Then again, we did talk about dates and stuff when we were altogether.
Well, not really.
We talked about who was doing what when. We parceled out the time to make sure I got to see everyone. Sometimes I saw Jake more than Archie, but I got to see Coop almost every day, and we hadn’t gotten to have a real date yet.
Ugh. Around and around, the thoughts raced on a gerbil wheel to nowhere. But every time I circled back, I realized, no, we had never sat down—all five of us—and discussed what we were doing.
Dread curled in the pit of my stomach.
Should I? Would that be asking for a massive problem?
Ian already had issues. Would this just make it worse? Or would it be what we needed to do? If I hadn’t unloaded on them that Saturday night about dating…
We’d probably not be dating at the moment.
I played out the debate in my head while I got dressed for school, fed the cats, cleaned out the litter box, and jogged down to check the mail that I’d been forgetting to check.
