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“Yes, we did.” He sounded almost regretful, but the firmness in his tone didn’t waver. “I’m willing to do whatever you need, and I have no problems with you taking lead on this. What I have problem with is you pretending it’s not messing you up. That his being here isn’t messing with you.”
“We need to talk about us,” Brad said.
Raising her palms, one for each man, she frowned. “Excuse me? In what world are the two of you suddenly on the same side?”
“We have a lot in common.” Gabriel answered before Brad, and oddly enough, Brad seemed to be waiting for him to finish. “We both love you. I know you want to lock yourself into the mission. You want to focus on anything that isn’t this situation. If it wasn’t hurting you on some level, game on.”
A low sigh escaped Brad, and he scrubbed a hand over his face. “Your spook is right. It is hurting you.Iam hurting you.”
“So, we’re going to turn off the super soldiers for the night. We’re in a secure location, and we’ve got backup if we need it, so we’ll have plenty of warning. Tonight? Tungsten and Copper are going to stand down so Brad, Sachi, and I can talk about this.”
“I don’t have time for this emotional psychotherapy. Would I pass a psych test? Probably not. Do I give a damn right now? No. We have one mission—”
“Actually…” The quiet command in Brad’s tone sent a shiver through her. He outranked her, but more, he’d owned a part of her for so long, she didn’t know how not to listen to him when he spoke like that. “We don’t have a mission. Our orders were to stand down. I don’t agree with those orders long term, but for tonight? For the next twenty-four hours? We’re off-duty.”
No. If she went off-duty, then she would have to face three years of gut wrenching loss, deceit, and a broken heart she’d put back together with duct tape and baling wire. The last thing she wanted to do was be a victim. The ugliness of the word rolled over her, and her heart slammed in her ears. She was no one’s fucking victim, and they’d made her one. It was the one part she refused to play. Spots flickered across her vision. Her chest tightened.
One moment she was standing, the next she was in a chair with her head down. A hand wrapped around her nape, and Gabriel’s scent flooded her nostrils. Another hand held her arm, two fingers on her wrist over her pulse.
“Breathe.” The order carried a weight her too-rapid heart rate and shallow respiration tried to obey.
“C’mon, sweetheart.” Gabriel’s coaxing tone nudged what the order hadn’t. “Breathe. In deep, then out again.”
One shallow breath followed another, and she closed her eyes. Inhaling deeper helped. The wavery sick feeling began to pass.
“You took a really big fucking chance.” Gabriel’s voice changed, deepening to a lower, lethal growl.
“She was already considering every way out of the discussion. You spent the last year with her—tell me I’m wrong.” The challenge went unanswered as Gabriel massaged the back of her neck, and Brad continued to rub the inside of her wrist. Finally, Brad added, “She goes deep when she goes into a role. Sometimes too deep. Like a diver who comes up too fast from the ocean floor, she doesn’t respond well to being forced out of the part she’s cast for herself.”
“Thanks for the tip.” The dry sarcasm belied Gabriel’s statement. “That’s why I was going to ease her into it. You can box her in without slamming a door in her face.” A beat, then he said, “Of course, I forgot. You’re all about the purge and burn.”
“When they know how to swim, you don’t ease them into the water—you throw them in. The shock works.” Steely confidence imbued every word. “She’s an expert. Coddling her—as much as I like doing it—isn’t how you get through Copper to Sachi. Copper’s a weapon, honed, trained, and deadly. Sachi’s a little softer. If you really want to have this conversation, then we needher, not Copper.”
The warmth of Gabriel’s massage eased the locked muscles in her neck. The steady stroke of Brad’s thumb sent shivers along her spine, but her pulse slowed. She grounded herself between the conflicting offers of comfort.
“Next time, I won’t invite you to the party.” Gabriel’s steady patience seemed to have found a fraying point.
“I don’t need an invitation. Ibelonghere. You’re the interloper.” And so, apparently, had Brad’s.
“Shut up.” She raised her head and met Brad’s hard stare. Somehow, she was in Gabriel’s lap, and Brad knelt in front of her. The close quarters with both of them left her hyperaware. “I’m not a fucking toy to be tugged apart. Gabrielbelongshere, Brad. He’snotthe interloper. By my reckoning, that’s the part you cast yourself into.”
“You say potato, I say po-tah-toe.” His smirk unclenched something in her gut.
“That’s your Princeton education speaking, buddy. We don’t sprechen blue blood here.” Her lame attempt at humor helped.
“I went to Yale,” Gabriel admitted, his breath warm on her ear. “So maybe we do speak a little blue blood.”
“Wow.” She pursed her lips. At Brad’s quirked eyebrow, she pointed a finger at him. “Princeton.” Jerked her thumb toward Gabriel. “Yale.” Then she tapped her chest. “G.E.D. Never felt like the bottom of the barrel before. Thanks for that.”But still…It cracked her up, and she chuckled. After the first harsh sound escaped, she laughed harder. The unforgiving slash of Brad’s mouth curved into a smile, and Gabriel gave her neck an affectionate squeeze.
“Do you have any idea how ridiculous all of this is?” She couldn’t stop giggling once it started.
“It’s not ridiculous.” Gabriel slid am arm around her middle and rested his free hand against her hip.
“Gabriel, Brad’s alive.” The words came out like bullets, fired on the pants of her breathing. “He’s alive. And I didn’t wait for you—” The last she said to Brad, forcing herself to meet and hold his gaze. “I didn’t. I was—for a long time, I was—but then I said goodbye, and I picked him because he picked me. And I’m not sorry I chose him.” The cloud of guilt clogging her lungs threatened to make her sick. “I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you—but I’m not, all at the same time. I feel like someone took my life and screwed it sideways…kind of like what they did when I was born, only I don’t remember that hell. I remember this one. I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I want to kill you at the same time.”
All of a sudden, she wanted up and out of their arms—away from both of them. Tugging her hand from Brad’s grasp, she pushed past him to pull away from Gabriel. On her feet, she strode to the fire to put some distance between them.
“Babe—” Brad began, but she raised her hand.
