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She huffed a laugh. “I don’t really have anything to deal with. Mac is gone. There’s nothing I can do about it.”
“You don’t have to do that, Lydia. You don’t have to be... Mom and Dad.”
“I’m not Mom and Dad,” Lydia said.
“Not at all? You’re not... Holding things together because you think you have to be tough?”
Lydia rolled her eyes and grabbed a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses off of the round rack, putting them on. “I’m holding it together because what’s the other option? Lying on the ground? Falling apart?”
“I like a good tantrum,” Marianne said.
“And if I need to have one, I will let you know. I promise. But in the meantime, having you not treat me like an alien would be good. Have you seen the way Ruby looks at me?”
“Like she wants to hug you and cry and put you in a pouch and carry you around?”
“Yes. That’s the look.”
“I did notice.”
“I don’t want that. I do enjoy her taking the kids to look at the toys, though.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m grateful that right now their problems can be solved so easily.” She stared at Marianne until Marianne was forced to stare back. “But something is up with Ava?”
Marianne tried to breathe past the tightness in her stomach. Lydia had said it. The thing that Marianne had been avoiding outright admitting to herself. That it was possible she was losing touch with her daughter as profoundly as her own parents had lost touch with her. And she’d never wanted that. It had been her motherhood nightmare, and she’d been scared for a few months that she was dancing on the edges of that.
“I just... I don’t know.” She pressed against her sternum, trying to ease the tension there. “I know how emotional and depressing being a teenage girl can be. And Mom and Dad just... They never handled it very well.”
“I know,” Lydia said. “Though, I don’t know that I did either.”
“You were my sister. You weren’t supposed to handle my... Depression or whatever.”
“Were you on drugs?”
Marianne laughed. “No, I wasn’t on drugs. Have you been waiting twenty years to ask me that?”
“No. But I have wondered. Off and on.”
“No. Nothing quite so edgy. It was just...hormones, you know? And that’s scary enough on its own. I have some issues with Mom and Dad, sure. But they were good parents. I just don’t want to lose touch with Ava.” She frowned. “Where would one even get drugs in Pear Blossom?” Suddenly, she felt terrified. “What if youcanget drugs in Pear Blossom?”
“Marianne,” Lydia said. “Settle down.”
“I’m trying on,” Ava said, wandering toward the dressing rooms. Lydia, Dahlia and Marianne walked over with her, forming a line and watching the dressing room door.
“What are you talking about?” Dahlia asked.
“The inherent drama of being a teenage girl,” Lydia responded.
“Ah. I remember it well.” Dahlia looked down at her hands and Marianne’s gaze followed. Her sister’s dark red nails were chipped, which forced her to look at her own hazy blue gel nails, which were still perfect.
Lydia’s, of course, were bare.
Manicures required upkeep and care so Lydia didn’t try.
Marianne did everything with delicacy to keep her nails nice. It felt like control, usually. Though right now it wasn’t helping at all.
Dahlia wanted it both ways.
