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Had she really thought for a moment she could make peace with this man? His chest rubbed against her shoulder blades with the movement of the mount, his warmth and strength reminding her how long it had been since she’d been this close to any man. Surely that had to be why she couldn’t stop picturing what it would be like to turn in his arms and plaster herself to him. Taste him. Touch him.
Why did she have to feel those things for a man who’d never understood her? A man who’d gone out of his way to make sure she knew he didn’t approve of her.
“I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong.” His tone hadn’t varied from the earlier gentleness.
Something about that—his kindness in the face of her attempts to restore some enmity—only messed with her head. She resisted the urge to look up and over her shoulder at him. They were so close she could have tipped her neck back and her head would have fit into the notch beneath his jaw.
Swallowing hard, she said nothing and silently willed Pearl to walk faster. The house was less than fifty yards away. Surrounded by aspen trees whispering in the light breeze, the sprawling home had to be well over ten thousand square feet. They approached from the back, where a feeder creek to the White River meandered into a wide bend, giving the wide stone patio an elegant water feature at its base. Adirondack chairs surrounded a stone firepit near the creek on one end of the patio, while a wooden dock thrust into the heart of the waterway at the other.
The creek didn’t look dry here, the way Josiah Cranston had suggested. But shehadnoted that the waterway on the Barclay property didn’t appear as robust. Still, she could hardly blurt out questions about land management no matter how much she didn’t want to talk about the past.
“Fleur?” His voice sounded closer, the words warm against her hair even though he didn’t touch her there.
The pine and musk scent of him made her want to breathe deeply. A shiver stole through her, and she closed her eyes briefly to ward away whatever illusion of attraction she was feeling.
“What?” She forced the word from her lips with more harshness than she’d intended.
“May I ask—” He swallowed, a movement she felt as he hesitated. “What became of the child?”
Old pain rose inside her, suddenly as jagged and deep as ever it had been. A sense of loss came with it, the rush of emptiness so poignant her hand went to the flat of her belly.
Right where Drake’s forearm rested.
She didn’t flinch away from him, though, her fingers landing lightly on his skin as she remembered the baby that wasn’t meant to be.
“I miscarried early,” she admitted, her eyes hot with unshed tears. “Right after Colin drew up the prenup with generous terms for me in case things didn’t work out between us. He’d done it to make me feel more secure about giving marriage a try.” She needed to press that point, knowing Drake had been convinced she was only marrying Colin for a payday. “When you asked me to break things off, I was no longer pregnant. That’s why I agreed.”
Behind her, Drake was utterly still. The horse had halted on the grass close to the patio. Pearl gave a shake of her head as if to ward off an itch, but otherwise, stood patiently as the creek babbled past.
“I’m so damned sorry, Fleur.” At some point, Drake had tucked her even closer to him, his brawny arm holding her tighter. His cheek rested against her hair. She could feel his heartbeat against her spine. While she knew she should probably pull away, she couldn’t find the will to ignore this comfort that she’d never received for her lost child.
And it did feel like comfort. For a moment, she breathed it in, allowing herself a moment of healing peace that came from his apology.
From his touch.
A tear plopped from her eye onto his forearm. She stared at the wet drop as it melted into the space between her hand and Drake’s skin.
“Thank you. It was a long time ago.” It had been a confusing time since she’d been scared about the pregnancy and the ways it would change her life, but she’d nevernotwanted the baby.
At the time, it had felt like one more way she’d been denied a family, something she’d been lacking ever since her parents’ marriage had imploded. Until she’d miscarried, she hadn’t realized how many hopes she’d already built around the life inside her.
“It was a long time ago, which makes my apology not only inadequate, but also overdue.” Drake gave her a slight squeeze before releasing her again.
He swung a leg over Pearl’s back to dismount, then held up his hands to help her down. A courtesy she hardly required. But considering she felt a bit unsteady, she didn’t protest. And somehow, looking into his brown eyes as he eased her to her feet added to the sparks lighting up her insides.
Unwelcome sparks, damn it.
Just because she’d welcomed his comfort didn’t mean she would cave to the new awareness of him that grew every time she saw him.
Stepping out of his arms, she reached to unfasten the carabiner that held the basket of freshly baked cookies she’d brought. Belatedly, she remembered her mission today had nothing to do with anything they’d talked about. How could she speak to Drake about wetlands and land management when her pulse was thrumming and her skin felt too tight because of his touch?
“I can get it,” he offered, his fingers brushing against hers as he pinched the heavy clip open.
She opened her mouth to argue—she really needed the barrier of a disagreement right now—but her gaze collided with his again. And it amazed her how much different it felt for him to peer at her with warmth and curiosity instead of cold scorn.
Her throat dried up. She sucked in a fast breath, struggling for equilibrium as they stood side by side, their hands on either end of the basket as he freed it.
His attention lowered to her mouth, as if he’d heard that intake of air and understood what it meant. Her heart rattled her ribs so loudly she wondered if he heard that, too.
