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20
Tam lay face-down on her bed and cried. June kept whining, her head very close to Tam’s. Jasper paced up and down the length of her body, licking her feet every so often.
She hated crying almost as much as she hated dealing with her sister. She usually didn’t cry at all, except for a few instances in her life.
The hole in her soul was simply too wide to fill with doing dishes, cutting leather, or online shopping. She couldn’t fill it if she had an unlimited amount of chores, orders, and money, as the agony of it went on and on. It radiated deep down into her heart, and clear up into her mind.
It was endless, and painkillers didn’t touch the hurt cascading through her.
The worst part was she had absolutely no one to call.
You could call Cara, she thought, but she didn’t move. Besides, her sister was busy with her own life and her own boyfriend, and the one person Tam wanted to talk to she’d told never to call her or come by again.
Her tears started anew, and Tam simply let them flow from her. She had no other choice, because this heartbreak was simply the worst she’d ever experienced.
* * *
The next morning,she woke in her clothes, her neck aching and her face crusty. It took several seconds for her to realize where she was, and she sat up with a start, her heart beating rapidly.
She fumbled for her phone and checked the time. “I’m late.” She swung her legs over the side of the bed before she realized she owned her own business, and she could go into the shop whenever she wanted. She had no appointments that day and two saddles to finish.
Everything from yesterday rushed at her, and Tam found she couldn’t stand up. She couldn’t stomach the thought of showering or going to the shop. Her breath shook in her chest, and she couldn’t possibly carve and shave with such trembling in her body.
Before she could give it too much thought, she tapped out a couple of texts and sent them. Daniel Harrison and Cody Benson could wait another day for their saddles. No one would die. The world wouldn’t end. They’d still pay, and Tam would still have a great reputation around Lexington.
The texts sent, she sighed and put her phone back on the nightstand. Without a job to keep her time occupied, Tam thought about what she liked doing best.
Blaine came to mind instantly. She liked spending time with Blaine. If she and Blaine had free time, they liked to ride horses together on Bluegrass Ranch. It was surprising to Tam that in all the months they’d been dating, they hadn’t saddled up once and enjoyed the evening air together. They used to do that so often.
Her whole body ached, the worst of it right behind her breastbone. Her head felt too heavy to hold up, and she laid back down in bed. She curled her knees to her chest and tried to hold her emotion inside. She failed, and a horrible, wrenching sob filled the bedroom.
She wondered if her grandmother had felt like this after her husband had died. She wondered if she’d cried right here in this very bedroom, in a bed very much like this one.
Down the hall and somewhere in the house, one of her dogs barked, and Tam sat up. They had to go out. They deserved to be fed. A plan formed in her mind, and she got up. Her legs shook slightly as she went into the bathroom and started running cold water over a washcloth.
She pressed it to her face, putting a lot of pressure on her eyes to try to get them behave. “I don’t want to spend the whole day crying,” she said, tipping her head back. “Please.”
She lowered the washcloth and looked at herself in the mirror. Only a pathetic, weak woman looked back. She shook her head. “No.”
She would not take the blame for what had happened last night. That was Blaine Blasted Chappell. He’d told Hayes about their stupid plan, and while yes, it was an asinine plan, it wasn’t like they’d even gone through with it.
Never once had their relationship been fake. Never once had they pretended to be dating when they weren’t.
Determined now, she strode through her house to the back door, where both Jane and Jasper waited to go out. Neither of them had come to get her, and that surprised her too. “There you go, guys.” She slid open the door and the corgis stumbled over each other to get out.
Tam left the door open and went back down the hall to shower. She put her clothes in the laundry basket, scrubbed everything in the shower, and dressed in blue jeans and a pink and white checkered shirt.
She was going to go horseback riding today. Bluegrass Ranch wasn’t the only gig in town, and she fed the corgis, grabbed a protein shake, and headed out.
Instead of going straight to the stables where she’d ridden before, she made the drive into Dreamsville to visit her parents. She enjoyed them when it was just her and Cara and them. Or just her and them. As long as Stacy wasn’t there, Tam liked seeing her mom and dad.
She stopped by Dough Boy and bought a half-dozen muffins to take. Maybe if she had something to do with her hands and mouth, she’d be able to contain her emotions.
A sigh leaked from her mouth as she pulled into the driveway. Her smile came naturally when she saw her parents sitting on the front porch in the pair of rocking chairs she and Cara had bought them for Christmas last year.
“Look at you two,” she called up to them as she got out. They were so cute, and a familiar pinch radiated through her chest. She wanted to grow old with someone who would make better coffee than her, remind her when it was okay to be sassy and when she should pull back and simply smile, and who would love her no matter what.
She’d thought that would be Blaine. She’d even started thinking about their future together, though her folders with all the wedding ideas had stayed solidly in the filing cabinet.
