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She couldn’t even find the words for the prayer.
Just start, she thought, and again, she was sure it wasn’t her thought.
Beth put down her fork and lifted her eyes. Her father watched her with a hooded expression, and Hugh kept himself busy with his infant, tearing up a roll into tiny pieces and putting it on Tawny’s tray.
Kait and Sally both looked at her, both frowning like she’d handled everything wrong. She had; she already knew that.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “This is supposed to be a fun afternoon together for the holidays.”
“It’s okay,” Hugh said. A quick glance at his wife had him back-peddling. “I mean…”
“It isnotokay,” Kait said. “Sally?”
“I agree with Kait,” Sally said quietly. “I don’t know why you’re even still sitting there.”
Beth’s irritation sparked. “Because I’m not you, Sally. I don’t know exactly what to do and when.” Her chest heaved, but her mind screamed at her that she’d just made things worse.
“I’m sorry, Sally.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Beth,” her father said. “You don’t have to shoulder everything alone.”
“That’s what she likes,” Sally said, her dark eyes firing with plenty of danger now. “It’s how she’s always been, Daddy.”
“Now’s not the time,” their father said.
Beth glared at Sally, who gave the gesture right back to her. They didn’t always get along, but Beth had never realized her sister thought she was so…something.
“Tell me,” she said, folding her arms and leaning away from the table. She glanced down the table to where Walter sat with his wife. They ate silently, and Beth wished she could just leave. But this was her house. “I’m sorry, guys. This has to be the worst company dinner ever.” She tossed a smile down toward the men who’d been working around her farm. “But I’d really like everyone’s input. Even yours, if you care to say anything.” She looked back at Sally. “Sally’s going to go first.”
“Sally,” Kait murmured. “Be kind.”
Sally pushed her pulled pork around on her plate, her gaze dropping there too. When she opened her mouth, the cruelty had fled from her voice. “Beth, you’ve always played the martyr. When Mom died, it was always, ‘poor Beth. What’s Beth going to do?’ It was never, ‘poor Sally. What’s Sally going to do?’ It was ‘Sally can give you a ride. Sally can get a job to help pay the bills.’ It was ‘Sally will take care of Beth.’”
Beth’s chest pinched, and her tears started to gather in droves behind her eyes. She clenched her teeth and cinched her arms tighter against her chest.
“I didn’t care,” Sally said. “Iwantedto take care of you, Hugh, and Daddy.” She looked at the others at the table. “Then, when Danny died, it was ‘poor Beth’ all over again. It gets really old is all I’m saying. No one is ever asking me if I need help. Daddy doesn’t offer to buy my children new clothes or pay for a birthday party they don’t need.”
“I haven’t—”
“Let her talk,” Hugh said over Daddy, and they both fell silent again.
“Mick lost his job six months ago,” Sally continued. “You didn’t even know. None of you knew until this very moment.” She swiped angrily at her eyes, and Beth’s whole chest collapsed.
She wiped her eyes too, her tears for her sister now and not herself. She wanted to say she hadn’t known, but that was exactly the point. She hadn’t known, and Sally was saying it was because Beth was selfishly wrapped up in her own trauma.
“I thought he’s been working in Philadelphia,” Hugh said.
“He’s been up there doing some training,” Sally said. “I’ve been supporting us with the lawn sign business and the address painting.”
“For six months?” Kait asked, shock in her tone.
Sally nodded and barely glanced at her husband, who kept his eyes down. His embarrassment was obvious, and Beth hated that she’d caused this conversation. “No one asks me if I need help with my three children, my house, my yard, or either business while he’s gone. I just get up every dang day, and I do whatever needs to be done.”
Her eyes shone with angry tears now, making her twice as fearsome. “So, Beth, stop doing whatever you’re doing. Just stop. I don’t think any of us here careswhyyou married Trey. We have eyes, and we have ears, and I know I stood here and watched a man very much in love with you apologize several times. To you, to all of us. I heard him ask you to please go out into the garage to talk to him. I heard his anguish when he apologized to your son, who he obviously cares for very much.” She looked at Kait. “Kait?”
“I agree with Sally,” Kait said. “Sorry, Beth. I love you like a sister. I do. I don’t know all the details with you and Trey, and I don’t really care. It’s as obvious that you love him, and he loves you, as the sky is blue. People make mistakes.”
“Beth doesn’t,” Sally murmured.
