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I should’ve listened to my wolf’s heart when it had cautioned me against Tillman, but instead, I’d blocked that part of me out and followed my delusional dreams.
And Tillman had used those same dreams against me.
I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
Still, my wolf recognized Seff and fully accepted him without question. He’d given me the moments I needed, and if I was correct about our bond, he’d be around to provide me with everything else I’d ever want and need.
If I was wrong, if I’d imagined a connection where there was none beyond one person suffering and the other person comforting, well then, I’d take what I could get. And move on.
CHAPTER SIX
The tiny flame of asingle candle illuminated my bedroom. Without the sun to charge the solar batteries, we used candles, oil lamps, and propane lanterns to brighten the dark spaces in the winter. Covered in a soft, fluffy, cream-colored eiderdown comforter and a thick, heavy afghan, my bed sat in the middle of the tiny space with the headboard shoved up against the wall. The two small windows at each side of the bed had been covered and weather-proofed to conserve heat.
Two interior walls separated the bathroom and my bedroom from the rest of the structure. Those two walls also used up precious floor area, making my room relatively small. A double bed was the best I could do. Even at that, I’d had it raised up off the floor to use the available space beneath the bed for clothes, shoes, boots, and everything else I couldn’t fit on a shelf. And there were shelves. Lots of shelves.
The fire I’d lit inside the small wood-burning stove a couple of hours ago had burned down to coals but still put off plenty of heat. I stripped off my sweater and jeans, folded them, and tucked them away. As I took the first step toward the bed, I paused.
Seff.
I usually slept naked, only pulling on a nightie or some flannels after waking. When I needed to shift into my wolf form in a hurry, clothing might get in my way. Seff’s presence made me think twice. I knew it shouldn’t matter. I’d been naked when we met. Still...I wouldn’t want him to think I was asking for more than he was willing to give.
My bedroom was my private space. I’d never shared my bed with another, not even one of the twins. I’d never wanted or needed anyone the way I wanted Seff. I needed the comfort of his hand in mine. He made me feel...safe.
I reached under the bed where I kept my nighties and grabbed the first one I touched. As I slipped it over my head, I heard Seff and Decker’s footsteps move along the wooden walkway as they headed toward Coleman’s yurt.
They’d see all our dead.
That deep, searing pain hit me again, causing my stomach to clench and twist violently.
All our dead.
Sweat bloomed over my face, neck, and chest, sudden and ice cold.
I sprinted to the bathroom and fell to my knees next to the toilet. My entire body heaved and heaved as though I’d swallowed poison. When the heaving stopped, I quickly covered the bile with wood shavings, then lay with my head resting on my forearm. Cold sweat beaded on my skin and made me shiver.
They’re all dead.
I yanked a towel from the shelf and muffled the gut-wrenching groan that had threatened to break loose since I’d injured the rogue. I let go of my tight hold and sobbed. Every tear I’d held in poured out in a fierce torrent.
Then, arms came around me, lifting me from the floor.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Seff whispered. “I’ve got you.” He tugged the towel from my face and pulled me into his chest. “I’ve got you.”
The bathroom door sounded with a quiet click as he eased it shut. I choked back my tears, afraid I’d woken the twins with all the noise I’d made.
