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I gazed at the beautiful male across the room from me. His wonderful scent was a balm to my soul. His presence seemed to have a way of relaxing me, of calming me, in a way I’d never felt from another male before. I wondered if my presence had the same effect on him. Or was he always this laid back?
It didn’t matter.
He was what I needed right then.
I pressed my fingertips to my mouth and wished they were his lips...or other parts of his body. Closing my eyes, I sighed at the inappropriate thought.
“Des?”
I opened my eyes to see the worry on Seff’s face. It hurt to know I’d put it there. I shook my head and smiled. Then, I blew him a kiss.
He whipped his back dramatically, like he’d been hit with a cannonball. “Holy smokes, darlin’!”
Arteisma broke out in another fit of giggles.
On the other hand, Nereida rolled her eyes and smacked the tabletop. “Get over it, Seff, and deal the cards.”
Seff’s antics and Nereida’s stern command made me smile. I carried that smile along with the kettle of hot water down the short hall, past my bedroom and into the bathroom with me. That same smile was still on my face when I looked into the mirror.
Was it wrong to feel happiness?
My pack is dead.
Tears stung hot in my eyes. My heart raced, and blood throbbed in my ears like a beating drum. I clapped my hand over my mouth to silence the sudden sob that threatened to break free.
Breathe through it. Just breathe. Crying is for the weak.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six.
A tap came at the door.
“Yes?” I choked out.
“Seff wants to know if you’ll still blow him kisses if he loses all your pennies.”
Did he feel my distress? My sudden shifting mood?
Do we really share a bond?
He seemed so even-keeled. I didn’t—or maybe couldn’t—feel his emotions.
“Desarae?”
I turned, opened the door a couple of inches, and peeked out. “Please tell Seff I’m not so materialistic as to withhold my kisses because of a few pennies.”
Arteisma smiled and skipped off, shouting out as she went, “She said no, she’ll give you kisses, anyway.”
I grinned. Again. Because, yes, I would give Seff all the kisses he wanted. Standing around fretting over whether I’m allowed to feel anything other than grief was a fat waste of time...and stupid.
I added the hot water in the kettle to the five-gallon bucket of cold water we used to bathe to take the chill off. After wetting my hair, I reminded myself to use only a small amount of shampoo instead of half the bottle. It had been less than a month since I’d made that decision and had the first real haircut of my life. Besides a few pictures, a three-foot braided coil tucked into a box under my bed was the only reminder of what I’d had and what I’d done. And why.
“What the fuck have you done to your hair?”
Tillman and Deck had agreed about my new pixie cut. Not that I cared. I loved my new hair.
No one will yank me around like a fucking doll ever again.
I filled a cup with water and rinsed. The shampoo lather slid over my back like warm, gentle fingers tracing my tattoo—another life-changing decision I’d made in the last month.
