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When the door closes behind him, I collapse into my pillows and I sob.
15
SORRELL
Wednesday arrives.I cling to the knowledge that I’ll be leaving Toussaint in a matter of hours like I’m drowning in a raging river and that information is the only thing keeping my head above water. I refuse to see Lani. She knocks on my door before she goes to class, but I don’t answer. I sit beside my packed bag, staring dead-eyed at the wall in front of me, ignoring her soft pleas through the door, focusing my attention down to one narrow point.
I’m leaving.
I’m finally leaving.
I’m getting the fuck out of here.
It’s not that I’m angry with Lani. She’s sweet and kind; I know that she was only trying to help. She shouldn’t have told Theo about my trip to the nurse’s office, but she did it with the best of intentions. That isn’t the reason why I won’t see her. I just detest goodbyes. Making a friend here was a fool’s errand. Friends are weakness. I learned that the moment Rachel died. I had no business forging a relationship with Noelani, knowing what I came here to do and that I wouldn’t be staying long, but…some small part of me had craved the companionship. I’d been weak. Loneliness is a disease that will kill your spirit quicker than most, and I hadn’t had the energy to fight it. I don’t want to escape this hellhole in tears, regretting the loss of another friend. I don’t think my heart could take it.
At noon, Principal Ford comes to fetch me. She doesn’t say much as she escorts me out of the school and across the lawn to the waiting golf cart, but it’s hard to miss the disapproval radiating off her.
When we arrive at the dock, she helps me grab my bags off the back of the cart. At precisely twelve-twenty, the Super Cub approaches, swooping low over the lake, the sound of its engines whirring in the cool midday air, fracturing the quiet. Once the plane has landed, sending rippling waves slapping against the dock, I grab my bags in both hands, ready to climb aboard, not wanting to waste another second, but then the door opens out and I see the figure there, waiting to step onto the jetty.
Ruth.
She wears blue jeans and an over-sized cream-colored sweater. Tan boots. Her hair is neatly swept back into a French braid. Her appearance is a far cry from the tight black tank tops and black tights she usually wears to work out in. She looks like a mother, on her way to go grocery shopping or to pick up her kid from school. Her blue eyes are actually warm when they land on me.
“Hello, Sorrell,” she says, smiling.
I have to stop myself from dropping my bags and flying at her.
I haven’t heard a fuckingwordfrom her, and now she shows up here, looking like some kind of Stepford Wife, smiling at me like she’s done nothing wrong? I had planned on tearing her a new one the second I walked through the doors of Falcon House, but I suppose here, in front of Principal Ford is as good a place as any.
“Don’t ‘Hello, Sorrell’me,” I say icily. “Where the hell have you been?”
She steps onto the jetty, adopting her no-nonsense expression as she comes to me and pulls me into a hug. “I’m sorry. I’ve been busy.”
“Busy?”I shove her away. “You’ve been lying to me. Who the hell is Henry?”
Her eyelids shutter. She’s momentarily surprised but gathers herself quickly. “Where did you hear that name?” She asks the question evenly, but I’m familiar with every minuscule shift in Ruth’s mood and demeanor; she’s annoyed.
“Where do you think I heard it? Theo fucking Merchant told me I needed to ask you about him, right after he got done telling me that…” I glance sidelong at Principal Ford, not wanting her to overhear any of this. I might be done with Toussaint, but that doesn’t mean that it’s safe to spill information about this whole sordid mess in front of her. I don’t have much choice, though. “After he got done telling me that he knows all about you, and Falcon House, and the fact that I came here because of Rachel.”
Ruth’s quiet calm doesn’t slip, but her eyes flash with irritation. “Did he now? Well, that certainly messes with our plans a little, doesn’t it?”
“You’d know all of this if you’d bothered to pick up your cell or return any of the fifteen hundred messages I left for you,” I hiss. “What the fuck was so important that you couldn’t get back to me?”
“I told you,” she clips out. “I’ve been busy. Now why are you leaving Toussaint?” She jerks her head at Ford. “I’ve had a series of long, berating voicemails from this one, telling me that you’ve decided not to continue on with your education here. Do you have any idea what it cost to get you enrolled here in the first place?”
“None of that matters anymore—”
Ruth smiles sweetly but it’s all for show. “Like hell it doesn’t. You need to get back to that school and finish what you started. One way or another, Sorrell. One way or another.”
I look the woman in the eyes, trying to figure out what the hell is going on. She reacted very poorly when I brought up Henry; she looked like she’d seen a ghost. Now she’s acting really fucking weird. This whole thing is weird.
“It’s pointless, Ruth. Theo’s a fucking mess. He’s sorry for what happened to Rachel. There’s—I just—I don’t want to be here anymore!”
She glances at Ford. “Would you mind giving us a moment, please?”
“Of course.” Principal Ford heads back toward the golf cart, as if none of the conversation she’s already heard has been the least bit troubling. As soon as she’s out of earshot, Ruth hisses, “You wanted revenge for what he did. You wanted to see this thing through. Don’t you want that anymore?”
“No!” My response is out before I can even think about the question. I’m surprised to find that it’s the truth. Coming here with revenge on my mind was the worst possible thing I could have done. I’ve suffered every day for it. It’s consumed me, poisoned me, and I didn’t even follow through with it anyway. Something far worse happened.
