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Eventually, his head rocks forward, his body loosening. His fingers still gouge into my skin at my hips, possessive and unrelenting, though. His eyes find mine, and a flood of emotion saws into me, so alien and unknown that it feels like it’s going to suffocate me. Inexplicably, a lump forms in my throat. My eyes burn, my vision swimming.
What the hell was that? How the fuck did he just make me come that hard?Twice?And…and what the hell am Ifeelingright now? A welter of emotions twist around my bones, making knots of my insides. I’m overwhelmed, so brought to my knees, confused by the sheer power of this thing between us, that I can’t for one second comprehend how the hell I’m going to handle the sheer magnitude ofus.
Theo leans forward, lying onto the bed next to me, turning me at the same time so that he can stay inside of me. He cups my face in his hands, stroking his fingers over my cheeks. The heat of his skin against mine soothes me. The scent of him, all wild mint and winter rain, grounds me. It feels so right, to be tangled up in him like this, our bodies connected, our hearts slamming in our chests. “Sorrell,” he whispers. “What did I do? Why are you crying?”
If I answer him, then I might just end up telling him the truth, and I can’t. I cannot tell Theo Merchant that he doesn’t need to be patient. He doesn’t need to wait for me to fall in love with him again. Iamin love with him. I don’t understand where this feeling, thisknowledge, has come from, but it is a force so massive that it can’t be turned away. This tremendous love I feel for him in this moment has always been inside me, lying dormant, biding its time, waiting to rise to the surface, and now that it’s here, it’s too big for me to contain and I’m overflowing with it.
I feel so fucking stupid, but I am small in the face of this. I cry into his chest, great heaving sobs wracking my body. “Nothing. You haven’t done anything,” I choke out.
“Shhh. It’s okay. It’s okay. I’ve got you. Just breathe.” Theo holds me, running his hands over my hair, quieting me.
The words burn on my tongue, begging to be set free, but I can’t.
I justcan’t.
22
THEO
I’m nervous as shit.
I stare at the notice tacked to the board, my breath hitching erratically. This could either be a good thing, or a really, really bad thing, and my emotions have been tossed around, put through the wringer and shredded so many damned times at this point that I can’t figure out which way I’m leaning. I used to be able to trust my gut when it came to this kind of stuff, but that was before. Before the version of Sorrell that called herself Catherine nearly put me in an early fucking grave.
I run a hand through my hair, gnawing on the inside of my cheek.
SENIOR YEAR RESTRICTIONS NOW LIFTED. EVENING PASSES DURING THE WEEK TO SUMNER PERMITTED, PROVIDING 9PM CURFEW STRICTLY OBSERVED.
CELL RECEPTION/INTERNET ACCESS NOW RESTORED ACROSS THE ACADEMY.
BE ADVISED: ANY INFRACTION OR FLOUTING OF THE RULES WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE SUSPENSION AND REVIEW OF ENROLLMENT BY THE BOARD.
DON’T MESS THIS UP.
“I suppose now that Sorrell knows the truth, Ford and the others don’t really need to shutter us away,” my sister muses, standing next to me. Ever the light-footed little punk, she’s snuck up on me. I haven’t given two shits about being here, in the same year as her, until now. I’ve had way bigger fish to fry. But now that Sorrell does indeed know the truth, my baby sister’s presence has begun to grate a touch. I love her, sure, but I could do without sharing a friend group with her.
“Don’t you dare tell anyone that Sorrell was the reason Ford found ways to lock us down here,” I grumble. “It’s bad enough that Seb and Ash and Beth know. If any of the other students find out, they’re gonna take it out on Sorrell, and—”
Lani elbows me sharply in the ribs. “Do I look like an idiot?”
I look her up and down out of the corner of my eye, smirking at the pink knee-high socks she’s wearing. “That’s a matter of perspective.”
She sticks her tongue out. “Asshole. All I’m saying is, now that she knowsmostof the truth—”
“What do you mean,mostof the truth?”
Lani’s left eyebrow hikes halfway up her forehead. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Now that she’s armed withmostof the truth, we’re free to go back to our regular lives. That means you can take her into town, back to Patty’s. Back to The Jump. Maybe being back at all of the places we used to hang out will jog her memories some.”
“She’s already starting to remember some stuff.”
“Right. But the odd detail here and there isn’t really progress, Theo. It’ll take ten years for her to recover fully if we don’t try and push things a little.”
I growl, anger flaring in my gut. “It doesn’t matter if she gets everything back. She’s fine just the way she is.”
“You’ve changed your tune. A couple of weeks ago, you were desperate for her to get it all back at once. Now, you’re…what? Just willing to accept that she might never fully recover?”
I meant what I said to Sorrell yesterday, in my room. It used to be vital to me that she remember every single encounter we’ve ever shared up until recently. Things have been good, though. Better than good. In the past, pushing Sorrell to remember has been the very thing that’s made her slip away. I won’t risk losing who she is now simply because I’m selfish and I want her to remember us. “Yeah, well, I’m entitled to change my mind. We just have to accept that this is the way things are. Sorrell might not get her memories back. There’s no point beating a dead horse.”
My sister, always so full of opinions and advice, is conspicuously quiet. She gives me a weary look. “What? If you’ve got something to say, you might as well say it now instead of in a couple of hours, when you can’t bite your tongue any longer.”
