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“Fuck,” I breathe out, my hands moving to her hips.
Lu lifts her body from mine, before slowly taking me again, inch by painful inch.
“Lu,” I moan, my fingers digging into her.
She grins down at me, her hands on my chest as she leans in and whispers, “That was the worst American accent I’ve ever heard,” before repeating the move and leaving me unable to speak at all.
Chapter Twenty
Lauren
We’re pushing four weeks since Jack’s arrival and I’m trying not to focus on the fact that he will have to leave eventually. We’re waiting on the last two parts for the crusher that are slated to arrive in the next four to six weeks, so that gives us a solid amount of time.
Time for me to prepare myself for him to leave or time for me to convince him that he wants to stay.
The pessimist versus the optimist.
But, if I’ve learned anything from my previous relationship, it’s that you can’t make anyone do anything.
When you’ve been burned that pessimist lives inside you; it screams louder, it pushes harder, and it reminds you that people suck.
I need Jack to not suck.
What I hate more than anything about that pessimist in me is that when she realizes I’m happy, she nags at the back of my mind, she whispers to me in my sleep and she reminds me that I’ve been left before.
I wake up covered in sweat, my heart hammering in my chest while Jack sleeps soundlessly beside me. I suck in a ragged breath and exhale slow and long as I try in vain not to wake Jack. My breathing is labored, hard and noisy in the silence of the room and I hold my breath when Jack shifts in his sleep.
If he wakes up, I’ll have to explain everything to him, something I don’t think I can do since I can’t even explain it to myself.
It’s been months since I’ve had the dream and I thought by now my subconscious would’ve moved on, but clearly it has other ideas.
It’s not even really a dream, but more of a reminder of reality that creeps in when I’m sleeping.
He’s going to leave.
The words float around in my head, but I push them away. It’s not the same thing because I know Jack will leave, but he won’t leave me.
I close my eyes as my breathing begins to settle and carefully slide myself back down in the bed, nestling my body against Jack’s.
And I tell that voice inside my head that he’s here now and that’s what matters.
The morning comes and goes without Jack mentioning the minor meltdown I had while he was sleeping so I’m to assume he was none the wiser. I hate that I’m keeping this whole thing a secret from him, but I have no idea how to bring it up. I want Nate to be listed in that ex-boyfriend file, the one you gloss over, the one you shrug your shoulders at, like he was a poor choice in a long line of decent ones.
Ellen walks into my office, a smile on her face and looking like she’s got a whole lot to say.
I haven’t seen her since the kids unloaded Jack’s and my news on her. I’m shocked that she hasn’t been trying to hunt me down and harass me for all the details.
“I told Mom you and Jack are dating,” Ellen announces, far more proud of herself than she should be. I swear she’s been waiting for this moment since I was fifteen as payback for all those times I was terrible to her when we were kids.
“Oh my god, Ellen. Why would you do that?” I scrub my hand over my face knowing this is the perfect opportunity for our mother to shoot me with an I-told-you-so that she’s been waiting to use for nearly fifteen years.
“It just slipped out,” she says, lying through her teeth.
“Bullshit. Just like you didn’t know it was Jack coming to fix our crusher when he showed up here a few weeks ago.”
“Okay, that I didn’t know. I promise. But look how well it turned out,” Ellen brags, giving me a wink and a cheesy smile. “And speaking of how well it’s turned out, do you and Jack wanna go to dinner tonight with Will and me? I finally got a babysitter that isn’t you.”
“Let me check with Jack,” I reply, giving the idea much less thought than I would have in the past.
