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She finally looks up at me again, her eyes filled with tears. “I know this isn’t what you want, at least not now, maybe not even with me, hell maybe not ever. But…but I do want this.” She pauses, sucking in a shaky breath. “So yeah, I know this will probably end things with us, but I want this baby, Dylan. With or without you.”
I’m trying to make sense of everything that’s going on. Of the things Tessa is saying, of the admission we both just made, of the things I’m feeling right now.
But I can’t even begin to explain it. Cannot put into words what any of this means or how I feel or what I want. Because everything I’m feeling is indescribable. Like seriously fucking indescribable.
Fuck. Me.
Tessa still stands a foot or so away from me. She no longer looks scared, but her fear has been replaced with something else, defeat maybe, as though she’s said what she needs to say, and she accepts that we are done.
I close the distance between us, ignoring her as she holds her hands up to stop me. I pull her into my arms and bury my face against her neck. “Holy fuck,” I breathe out. “Holy fucking fuck!”
She stands stiffly in my arms, clearly not understanding what’s going on right now. “Dylan?”
I pull back, a huge grin on my face as I press a hard kiss to her mouth. “We’re having a baby?”
“Umm,” she says, clearly confused by my reaction.
“Tessa, are we having a baby?” I ask again.
She blinks up at me. “Well, I mean, yeah, I’m pregnant, but I thought you—”
“Holy shit!” I shout. “I’m gonna be a dad!” I kiss her again, softer this time as I hold her face in my hands. “Thank you, baby,” I whisper against her lips. “Thank you.”
“You want this?” she asks, nervous and confused.
I brush our noses together. “Hell yeah I want this,” I whisper.
“But I thought…I mean at dinner that night…and we’ve never.” She pauses, taking another deep breath as her eyes lock with mine. “We never really talked about it.”
I smile. “I know,” I admit. “But I promised you I’d think about it, didn’t I?” I ask and she nods in agreement. “Well,” I continue, my lips against hers. “I thought about it.”
It’s the truth too, because even though we haven’t discussed any of it since that night at Tommy’s, I have thought about it. About all of it. About what a future with Tess could look like, about marriage, babies and all the things I know she wants.
The things I’ve recently realized I want too, because if the alternative is I lose Tessa, then that’s not a path I want to take. And yeah, maybe it’s all totally unplanned and happening way quicker than we expected, but it doesn’t make it any less real or awesome or what I want.
Because it is and I do and I’m in this for the long haul.
“You did?” she whispers, still not believing me.
“Yeah,” I reply, nodding. “You aren’t doing this alone, Tessa, because I want this and I want you and holy shit, you should move in with me. Or I can move in here, whatever you want, because fuck, we’re gonna have a baby!”
I’m totally rambling, but I’m suddenly so fucking excited with all sorts of emotions going crazy inside me right now that I don’t give a shit. I just want this,allof this.
“Are you really serious right now?” she asks. I know she’s still scared and considering my past views on relationships, not to mention that knee-jerk reaction I had to marriage and babies at dinner that night, I don’t blame her.
But that’s exactly what it was, a knee-jerk reaction driven by fear and nervousness; by the newness of our relationship and the fact we were having this discussion with a group of our friends instead of just each other.
I pull her into my arms again, pressing my lips to the top of her head. “I’ve never been more serious in my life, Tessa.”
She lets out a combination laugh and sob as she leans back to look up at me. “Seriously, who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?”
Now it’s me laughing, leaning down to kiss her again. “I’m still me, babe, I just finally worked out what I want.” I pause, kissing her again, before I whisper, “It’s you by the way. You and this baby.”
“Dylan,” she murmurs, pushing up on her toes to kiss me again. It’s deeper this time, her tongue tracing my bottom lip before sliding into my mouth.
I pull her closer, my arms wrapped tight around her as I angle my face for better access, pulling her bottom lip between my teeth and nipping gently. “So, we’re like notnothaving sex just because we’re having a baby, right?”
Tessa bursts out laughing, her sadness now gone. “Oh, we’re still having sex, Dylan,” she says, her words low and sexy.
