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“It’ll feel better when I knock you out.”
“Not gonna happen.” He dodges my next punch. “I have an iron jaw.”
“Let’s test that theory.” I swing again and clip him on the chin before he ducks out of the way.
But I don’twantto hit him. This isn’t helping me feel better. I’ve been hitting the punching bag, waiting for the pain to go away, and it’s not working.
I drop my arms. “This is stupid.”
“Come on, bro. What’s wrong? If it’s not work, then…” He smirks. “Shit, it’s Nix. That should’ve been my first guess. You’re all bent out of shape over a girl. What happened? Did she shoot you down?”
Just the sound of her name has my heart thrashing against my chest. I feel terrible for the way I reacted to what she told me. I can’t get the look on her face out of my head. I hurt her, and that’s the last thing I ever wanted to do.
But how the hell was I supposed to respond? The woman I care about told me she tried to end her life, the same way my mother ended hers.
I shove my fingers through my hair, pulling at the roots. “God, I’m so fucking stupid.”
Leo’s expression sobers. “What did you do?”
Then I freeze. “Wait, did you know about this?”
“Still don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I scrub my hand over my jaw. “Of course you know. You’re like two peas in a fucked-up pod. You should’ve told me.”
He holds up his palms. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. You’re not making any sense.”
“That scar on her wrist. You got her a bracelet to cover it. Do you know what that scar is from?”
His shoulders fall. “I have a pretty good idea what it’s from.”
“So, she didn’t tell you?”
He shakes his head. “She didn’t really have to. It’s obvious.”
Anger rears up again inside me. “Well, it wasn’t obvious to me.”
Leo’s jaw drops. “Wait, she told you?”
I nod once.
“And you’re… mad about it?” He looks from the bag to me. “She tells you she was so fucking low that she tried to kill herself, and you’re in here punching a fucking bag instead of holding her?”
Acid burns my throat. “I can’t go through that again, Leo!” My voice cracks. “You didn’t find her hanging there—you didn’t see Mom untilafterI cut her down.”
The color of her skin, the lacerations around her neck, her bloodshot eyes, and her lifeless body hanging like a piece of laundry. The image is burned into my mind like a brand, a searing hot memory of horror and agony.
“Just because I didn’t see her doesn’t mean I didn’t lose her just the same.” Leo grips my shoulders. “I’m so sorry you had to see that. I’m sure it haunts you, and it probably always will. But Phoenix is not the same as Mom. Mom never wanted to get help. She was sick, and she stayed sick. Phoenix is different. She wants to live. She’s a fighter.”
“How do you know that? How can you guarantee someone with depression isn’t going to take a turn one day?” Bile rises in my throat. “I can’t go down that road with her.”
“Yes, you can. That girl over there? She’s wortheverything. And she makes you happy—truly happy. She makes you smile, and she makes you feel. I’ve seen it. You’re different when you’re with her. And you can’t pass that up just because you’re too fucking scared.”
My head spins, and my hands shake. “What if she tries to end it again, and she succeeds? She did it once before. What’s to stop her from doing it again?”
Leo shoves me, hard. “You! You’ll stop her. And me! And Dad. We’ll be the family she never fucking got to have. We’ll give her what she’s been missing all this time. Her piece-of-shit mother disowned her after she tried to kill herself, and her brother couldn’t give a shit less that she’s still alive. She cared enough to pour her heart out to you, and you turned your back on her the same way they did.” He shakes his head. “You fucking asshole. She’s not the same person she once was. She won’t do it again. I fucking know it.”
Each of his words hurt worse than the gunshot I took to the hip. He’s right. I know he is. Yet he can’t erase the fear gripping my heart.
