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I don’t care. As long as you’re here.“You don’t have to call before you come.” She motioned for him to sit on the couch with her.
“Not even after the way I acted the other night when you came to my place?” When he didn’t sit, neither did she. Instead, he leaned against the counter that separated the living room from the small kitchen.
“Sorry it’s so hot in here.” She tried to make small talk, but her nerves were in overdrive. “The AC unit isn’t working that well.”
“Did you call your landlord?”
She shook her head.
“You should.” He loosened his tie. “It’s stifling. I can get you out of your lease if he can’t fix it.”
“Not that I’m complaining, but why are you here? I didn’t expect to see you.”
“I didn’t expect to show up here.” He tapped his fingers on the counter, appearing more controlled than what she had become accustomed to. This wasn’t the fun and carefree man she had grown to love, but could she blame him? “Grandfather is kind of pissed off at me because you’re leaving. He gave me strict orders to get you back.”
“You came to make sure I didn’t quit?”That’s disappointing.
“That was going to be my excuse for coming here, but I can’t play games. I think we should be honest with one another.” He looked down at the floor for a few seconds before continuing. The meaning behind his words didn’t go unnoticed. “I’m still really upset. All you had to do was tell me your suspicions and I could have helped you. We could have gone to Coda together and arranged for a DNA test.”
“I know, but I never had any intensions of telling Coda who I was. I didn’t think I had any right to disrupt her life. I was afraid I’d hurt her mother. All of my reasons seemed valid at the time, but now I realize I screwed up.”
“Turns out your mother was right.”
“I had serious doubts about that too,” she said. “I told you my grandmother wasn’t even certain my mother had named the right man. They never met my father. It was a brief affair between two drug addicts. My mother was so messed up most of the time, she didn’t even know what the truth was. How could I have gone to Coda or you with that information? Don’t you think I was embarrassed about my mother’s behavior?”
“Did you think I would judge you? You already told me about her past. Where you came from. I don’t think I ever made you feel embarrassed about it.”
“You didn’t.” She looked down, feeling ashamed, but not because of where she came from. She was more ashamed of her betrayal. “You’ve always treated me well.”
“Then why?”
“I wanted to be perfect for you. You’ve given me so much, and I haven’t done much in return. I wanted to be the woman you deserved. I wanted to be everything for you.”
“You were.” He moved toward her, taking her hands in his. “You are. Why can’t you see that?”
“I was keeping something big from you. I tried to convince myself that if no one ever knew of the possibility of me being Coda’s sister, no one would get hurt. You and I could have a life together, a future, but now...” How could she ever expect him to forgive her for such a betrayal?
“I still see a future with you,” he whispered. “I didn’t want to. I tried not to, but I can’t let go of what we have.”
A sob escaped her chest before she had time to control it.
“I don’t know if I’m ever going to fully understand why you kept that from me. I get that you were afraid when we first met, maybe confused, but after we made love, after the night I came home from California and expressed how I felt... I let it all go, Sammy. I trusted you to do the same in return.”
“I wanted to. I tried, but I was scared. I was stupid.” She put her head down. “I know how much I hurt you. I’ve gone over it in my head at least a hundred times. I was wrong, and I’m very sorry for not being able to tell you who I really was. I’m still not sure who I am.”
“I know exactly who you are.” He tilted her chin so she had to look at him. “Do you want me to tell you what I know?”
She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what he had to say. What if the truth destroyed her? Her entire life, she had lived with uncertainties about her mother and who she was. When she met Tyler, all of that seemed to disappear. She liked the woman she had become. The woman who loved such a caring and giving man.
“You’ve been struggling your whole life to find your place. I can identify with that. I’ve only recently figured out who I am and what I want. I know your grandparents have been supportive, but I also know it wasn’t easy living with an addicted mother, and her death was hard on you.”
She nodded, because if she spoke, the tears would flow freely.
“When I was arranging the trip for your grandparents to come visit you, they told me things about your childhood. About how sometimes they felt bad that they were older and from another country. You had to deal with the cultural gap, especially in high school. They were so happy when you found your passion in music. They felt it gave you a purpose, a reason to strive harder and become more than that quiet, shy kid from Brooklyn.”
“I try not to live in the past, but sometimes it’s so hard to forget.”
“I know from the things you’ve told me. Your life has been difficult, but you’ve overcome many obstacles. You’re a strong woman and you’re barely into your twenties. You have one more year of school left. You’re a talented musician. You’ve been supporting yourself. You live on your own in the city. Things still aren’t easy for you, but somehow you make it work. You don’t complain. You keep going. I admire you. I have from the beginning.”
