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The past made him twitchy and he went in search of the esky bag. They needed food. It was hunger churning his stomach. Hunger giving him an edgy feeling under his skin. That and Bonnie’s proximity. Even wrapped in a blanket she still had the power to make his body sit up and take notice.
She straightened to take the lunch box with the freshly made sandwiches, the blanket staying trapped under her thighs, exposing her pale legs and the contrasting socks. How did she manage to look cute and sexy at the same time? He took a container for himself and sat down in his spot in front of the fire, letting the blanket fall onto the mat behind him. It was almost too hot this close to the stove, warmth licking at his bare skin.
The sandwiches were great. Wedges of crusty bread piled with ham and salad, with hot mustard giving it a tang. He hadn’t realised how hungry he was until the smell hit his nostrils. “These are good.”
“The bread was fresh from the bakery this morning.”
“Do you go out to get it?”
Bonnie shuddered. “No, thank goodness. Darby or Amy organise a delivery run first thing, dropping off orders.”
“Another thing I need to know.”
“Making a list are you?”
“Checking it twice…” He bit his tongue on the next words. No way should he be thinking about being naughty or nice. His thoughts were definitely on the naughty list when it came to Bonnie and her long creamy legs.
Finishing up his sandwich, he kept his mind away from his past with Bonnie. The only past he could look at without his gorge rising. No way he wanted to waste food Bonnie prepared for him. “Why Canada?”
She paused in licking her fingers, and he looked away, determined not to let the eroticism of the gesture push him further into places she didn’t want to go.
“What do you mean, ‘Why Canada’?”
“It was about as far away as you could get from the Crossing. Was it so bad here? Why move so far away?”
Wiping her hands on a paper serviette from the esky, Bonnie screwed up her nose. “It wasn’t about leaving here.”
“What was it about?”
“Nan was dead and I had nothing tying me to the Crossing. Finally I was able to travel. You were going to be in Nashville and New York for the winter. I thought Canada was a good option, when going to the US didn’t work out. Close enough to the US to visit easily.”
“I anticipated a short stay. I didn’t expect you to move there permanently.”
Bonnie snorted. “Why not? There was nothing for me here. I kept in touch with Flo and Don and my friends. It’s not like I abandoned everyone.”
Except him. She’d abandoned him. Admittedly, he’d sent her away, but he hadn’t meant it to be so long. He’d been waiting for her to come home long before this. If she’d come home, he would have seen her without having to be the one to cave. To beg. He’d done with begging.
It was all so futile anyway. The whole thing blew up out of nowhere. Looking back it seemed so needless. Bonnie made everything so difficult. Or it seemed that way back then. Now he knew about her diabetes it made more sense. He’d misinterpreted her reluctance to come with him to the US as trying to push him for some kind of declaration. Some kind of permanent commitment. He hadn’t been ready for that admission and he’d pushed back hard. Fear made you do that. Accusing the almost fanatically independent Bonnie of wanting a free ride was always going to end badly.
“You could have come home. There’re plenty of jobs here for a chef. Flo would always find a space for you while you looked around.”
“I never meant to stay away so long. My initial contract was for the ski season. When you didn’t get in touch, I thought I might as well stay on. I was able to travel during the summers, see a bit of the country.”
“So it’s my fault.” He’d known, but having it spelled out hit him in the gut.
She fiddled with the blanket. “I didn’t feel I could come back and stay with Flo and Don when you and I weren’t even talking.”
His fault. He’d known the moment the damning accusation fell out of his mouth it was the wrong thing to say. Her affronted dignity, her eyes filmed with unshed tears, shamed him at the time and still left a queasy feeling. Even knowing he was wrong, he’d reacted with anger, pushing her away instead of offering the apology that would have made it possible to maintain contact. Made it possible for her to confide her reasons. Instead he’d made it impossible for her to come back home until his grandparents needed her.
Sucking in a deep breath, Xander shifted to face her straight on. “What would have happened if I’d contacted you?”
Her eyes scanned his bare chest and lower and jerked back up. It had the inevitable effect on his body, but he wasn’t worried about her knowing he was interested. He was always interested with her.
“What I hoped for was a visit or two. You said you’d be in New York for the New Year. It would have been nice to spend it together. Like in the movies.”
The air leaked from his lungs. She hadn’t been running away. She’d been taking a step towards him and he’d missed out because of his own stubbornness. It didn’t matter about the undelivered message. He should have been the one to make the first move. He’d been the one to shatter the friendship. His hand found its way to her bare knee by instinct, his thumb rubbing the hard bone. “I would have really enjoyed seeing in the New Year with you.”
“Yeah, well, instead I was cooking like a maniac for other people.”
