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Chapter One
Ricki
Present Day:
“God, I can’t believe I woke up late again. Kill me now,” I mutter to myself, grabbing Landon’s old baseball hat and plopping it on top of my long bright blonde hair. I don’t have time to style it, so this will have to do. I’m racing out of my house as fast as I can, trying to avoid my old man, but of course, the universe fucking hates me, and who do I run smack dead into?
“Watch it, cunt,” he says, even though I barely moved him. I’m laid out on the floor from his hugely grotesque frame, thinking, can this day get any worse?
“Nice name for your only daughter. You were right, Princess just didn’t fit,” I smart off to him as I lift myself off the dirty floor. I brace for the hit I know I’m about to get when I see the rage course through his evil eyes. The hit knocks me back down to the floor while his knee comes down hard on my side. The pain radiating in my side and back nearly knocks the breath out of me. He punches me once more in the face before I get enough leverage to push up to get him unsteady. I hurry away while he’s unbalanced and get to my feet while screeching around him. I barely make it out the door and just in time to avoid another flying fist. Maybe the universe is looking out for me for once.
I grab my skateboard and take off straight for school, wondering why I do this to myself. I wince as I rub the side of my face my dad punched. I know why I do it, though. I would have been hit either way. I’d rather feel like I did something to deserve it than sit there and take it. It makes it feel more worthy that way, I guess. Depressing, I know. Damn, how am I going to explain this to Landon? He’s going to know the minute he sees me what happened. Then I’ll have to break up another fight between my dad and Landon. It’s only happened twice so far, thank god. Mainly because my dad put me in the hospital for a week after the last night it happened. Landon felt so guilty he sat there with me the entire time, refusing to leave my side.
He was even more pissed when I told him I’d be going back to my house instead of moving in with him. He’s never understood why I stay with my piece of shit father. At first, it was because I was just too young to leave, even though I came close to just running when I was sixteen. My dad must have known it too, because that’s when he dropped the bomb on me.
“You can leave, but you’ll never find your mom,” he sneers at me. I look at him, confused.
“Why would I want to find the woman who abandoned me with you?” I ask him.
“Because she didn’t abandon you. I made her leave. Told her I’d kill you if she tried to take you. I didn’t want that cunt here anymore, so I made her leave, but I hated that bitch so much I refused to let her take the only thing she cared about. You!” He laughs, but his voice is full of evil. “She asked me if she could stay until you grew up. I told her I’d kill her if she stayed and hunt you both down if she tried to take you when she left.”
“So she didn’t want to leave me. You hated her so much you kept me just to torture me?” I ask in disbelief.
“Funny, ain’t it. Now both you cunts can suffer. I wanted you to hate her,” he says again.
“What makes you think I won’t just leave and try to find her?” I ask, my breaths labored with this new information.
“She’s managed to hide pretty good. She was scared I was going to come after her. I don’t know where she’s at, but she’s sent you letters. Letters that could track her down. I figured you might want them one day, just hadn’t decided if I was going to give them to you to not,” he says, smiling, and it’s full of pure evil.
“Where are the letters?” I ask him.
“They’re in a safe place for now. I’ll give them to you when I get tired of you…. Maybe,” he says. I know he’s telling me this to torture me, but I don’t care.
I never told anyone about that conversation. Not even Landon, who I tell everything to. I know he would try to tell me we would figure it out together, that he would do anything in his power to find my mom. I know he would try to do everything he could, but would it be possible without the letters? I don’t know, and I can’t risk finding out. Instead of moving in with Landon like he’s pushed for years, especially since I turned eighteen, I’ve stayed in that godforsaken hellhole, trying to avoid my father’s wrath. I know I just need to bide my time until he either gets sick of me or kills me. Either way it goes, I’ll finally be rid of the evil bastard.
I kick my leg again on the ground beside my skateboard, trying to pick up speed. I want to go fast, as fast as I possibly can. I know it sounds stupid, but when I’m on my board or on the back of Landon’s bike, it’s the only time I feel like my troubles can’t touch me. It feels like I’m flying, hard and fast, outrunning every bad thing that has ever happened to me. Every hit, every remark, everything. It all disappears until I’m left with an uneasy peace. Honestly, as cliche as it might sound, peace and love are about the only thing I crave in this life.
I swerve in and out of traffic, not caring that horns are blaring or people are yelling. I’ve been hit once today, maybe if I got hit by a car, I could actually go to the hospital and get checked out without my dad finding out and giving me worse. I know it’s a stupid thought, and I shake it off the minute it crosses my mind. I’m not suicidal. As much as my home life sucks ass and always has, I want to live. I want to get out of this fucking town, find my mom, and live a life full of love and calmness.
I make it to school, noticing Landon and all the Rejects bikes are already parked in the lot. They went to the clubhouse last night and stayed there. Landon asked if I wanted to go too, but I didn’t feel up for all of it. As the night drew on, I sat on my bed in my room and studied, praying my dad wouldn’t come home. He wasn’t supposed to, and thankfully he didn’t, but still, you never know.
Making my way inside, I decide to sneak to the girls’ locker room in the gym. There’s a bathroom there, and maybe I can clean myself up a bit. I feel the dried blood on my face and know there’s probably more than one mark, but nothing prepares me for what I see when I finally make it to the bathroom mirror.
My eye is swollen, and the bruise and blood from my dad’s hit looks absolutely horrible. As much as I try to walk normally, I’m limping and hunched over from my side and back pain. There’s no way I won’t get questioned about this, but I can’t go home. He’ll be there and be sure to give me another dose, plus a couple of rounds. Fuck, the only backup plan I have is the old concession stands upstairs in the gym. I’m the only one that I know of that uses that area. Usually, it’s only to sneak away from class to get a smoke in to try and numb the pain. Today, it will be my escape from reality as well. I make my way up there, pulling out a smoke when I finally make it to the room.
I relax the minute I put it to my lips. Forgetting about the pain and just wondering how much longer I can take this shit. I’m lost in my own pity party, one I fucking hate being locked in, when the door to the concession stand flies open, slamming against the wall. In comes a crying girl dressed in all black, with tattoos and hot pink hair, followed closely by Joey. The minute he sees me, his eyes flick back and forth between the other girl and me, looking torn. He finally pulls out his phone, and I know who he’s calling before he says a word. Damn, I guess I won’t be able to hide in here forever.
