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Chapter Three
Ricki
“Ow fucker.” I wince and instantly feel guilty for saying that to Lan, who’s only trying to help me. I hate he has to see me like this again. He probably thinks I’m so weak, staying with a parent who beats me daily. A father that has not only abused me physically but has broken me mentally and emotionally. Broken—that’s exactly what I am, and eventually, Landon will get tired of it. He deserves so much better.
“A woman shouldn’t use such foul language,” he tells me, smirking when I glare at his prissy, entitled tone.
He just smiles at me as he continues cleaning the blood from my face with such gentleness. He’s the only man in my life who has never raised a hand to me. Who has always taken care of me and treated me with kindness.
I am so in love with him; it hurts most of the time. I know he only sees me as that little ratty blond girl who tried to keep up with him and his friends. They never acted like I was bothering them, but I don’t know if Landon threatened them not to hurt my feelings. That sounds like Landon.
“You are so beautiful,” he whispers, looking into my eyes.
I blush, looking down at my hands. I’ve never seen him look at me like that before. He’s cleaned my injuries up in the past, one too many times, after my dad nearly killed me. I came to his house, and he held me in his room until I could move again. His parents left when he was so young that no one came looking for me here. My dad sure as hell didn’t care where I’d gone, as long as it wasn’t to the police.
Landon begged me to let him take me to the hospital, but I told him I would never come to him again if he made me go. Too many people, too many questions. Plus, the people in this godforsaken town don’t give a rat’s ass about the trailer trash kids. We are dirty and gross, and the less they have to deal with us, the better. As demonstrated by all the teachers and employees of the school—out of sight, out of mind. They are used to us trash walking around with bruises and dirty clothes. No one says anything, and no one care. They turn a blind eye and wait to hear news of one of us not coming back, since they know it will eventually happen.
“Liar. My face is beat to shit,” I whisper, crossing my fingers. He places his finger under my chin and lifts my head.
“You are the most beautiful girl in the world to me. I’ve always wished you could see yourself the way I see you. Strong, fearless, and stubborn as hell,” he tells me. He’s looking at me like he might kiss me, and I wish for that more than I wish for anything else, but when he looks down at my mouth and over to my cut lip, he shakes his head and turns away. I reach up and touch the split in my lip, wincing when it aches.
“How about you take something for the pain?” he suggests, looking pointedly at my vape pen. He doesn’t agree with me smoking because he worries about my health, but it helps the pain and the anxiety I have to deal with on a daily basis. I nod my head, taking it out. I use it for a few minutes while he puts away the first aid kit. I can’t help but look at his gorgeous body as he smoothly moves around, putting everything away. I climb under the covers of his bed and take in a deep breath, loving the smell of Landon surrounding me. When he walks back into the room, I peek out of the covers.
“Lay down with me?” I ask, needing to feel his arms around me. We used to lie like that all the time when we were kids. Especially on a rough day with my dad, but lately, he hasn’t seemed to want to be that close to me. He’s been working more and pulling away. He’s been so distant it hurts. The last thing I want to do is lose him, so I put my defenses up. Don’t get me wrong, he’s always there when I need him, but with him pulling away, so have I. I didn’t want him thinking I was weak, and I sure as hell didn’t want to be a burden. That’s why his statement moments ago got me hopeful but more confused than anything. Landon has always been there for me but completely out of reach at the same time. I need to stop thinking about this again before I give myself a headache.
“Please,” I ask softly when I see his hesitation.
“Okay, just let me call out of work,” he says, going to leave.
“Oh, no, don’t do that. I can go back home or to the bus,” I say, going to stand. I don’t want him missing work for me.
“No, it’s fine. It was just a little overtime. Joey’s going in after school anyway, so it should be fine,” he tells me before turning and leaving while placing the phone to his ear. I lay down and start to drift off, only startling when I feel him get in the bed beside me, pulling me safely into his arms. I keep my eyes closed, not wanting him to realize I’m awake so he doesn’t pull away.
“I wish you knew how much I love you, baby,” he whispers, kissing the back of my head. That one statement, that one declaration of love, has changed the entirety of my existence. I knew I loved him long before he took that first beating from my father for me. At that moment, I fell completely and utterly in love with him. I kept falling harder and deeper for him every other time after that. It didn’t help he was so tender and sweet with me. As we both got older, my love for Landon grew to the extent that I couldn’t live without him. In this moment, I decide I can either sit here like a coward, hiding my feelings like I always have, or I can finally take a chance. I know Landon would never hurt me physically or emotionally, but I also know he and his brothers have a pact. They’ve had this pact since they were kids. They are going to get the hell out of this town and as far away as they can as soon as they all graduate. I would love to get as far away from here as possible, but would he want me with him? If he didn’t, and I was left behind, I would be heartbroken in more ways than one.
I don’t know if this last beating finally broke that thread of hope I’ve had about finding my mom, but I know that I will never go back to that house again. My father is getting closer and closer to losing complete control and killing me. I won’t let that happen. I’ll just have to figure another way to find my mother.
“I’ve loved you most of my life, Lan. Before I knew how deep those feelings could ever go,” I tell him. I take a deep breath, turn, and look him right in the eyes so he can see the depths of my feelings. Seeing his surprised and shocked face was something I didn’t expect.
“Why didn’t you ever say anything, baby?” he asks, placing his hand on my waist, keeping his grip tight and his eyes locked with mine.
“I thought you only saw me as weak and as someone who needed saving or protecting. Nothing more,” I tell him, looking away, so he doesn’t see my hurt.
“Weak? After the life you’ve lived, you are the furthest thing from weak,” he says, leaning in and placing a kiss on my forehead. I close my eyes, soaking it in.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask him. He closes his eyes as he heaves a big sigh before admitting.
“Many reasons, but all of them boil down to me being too scared you didn’t share my feelings. I told myself it was because I was working harder to be the man you deserved. That I wanted to show you I could take care of you even if you could take care of yourself. I’ve admitted my feelings to you so many times when we were lying in bed beside each other. I knew you were asleep, and I could finally say the words out loud. I thought you were asleep this time too, but I’m glad you weren’t,” he tells me. I look up at him.
“I’m glad I wasn’t either,” I tell him, leaning up and kissing him softly. I pull back before it goes too far, knowing I’m too sore, but wanting him more than anything. I’ve craved him for so long it’s killing me having him this close. My own personal torture. When I pull back, he turns me over, so my back is to his chest, holding me close.
“Sleep, baby. I’ll be here when you wake up.” And with that statement from him, I fall asleep. Landon kept his promise and is still holding me when I wake. For as long as I can remember, Landon has always kept his promises to me, and I know he always will.
