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Dr. Benoit was young, beautiful French and had the clearest smoothest skin I had ever seen. And she dressed in chic fashion labels without a bra. I wasn’t particularly looking but couldn’t help but notice. Raquel had gone through a braless phase when she first filled out and I recognized the bounce immediately.
We sat down together on her lovely leather couch and she crossed her legs in that posh way of hers, her notebook open on her lap.
“Vhat is troubling you?” Dr. Benoit asked, getting right to the point.
“Everything, I guess. I mean, I don’t seem to be getting any real joy out of any of it. There is no real joy in my life. I can’t write anything like I used to. Even walking in the woods only has a mild effect. It used to make me so happy! But ever since my step sister and ex boyfriend hooked up, nothing works to cheer me up. I took a special trip up to Oregon to see if I could shake off the funk but all I got was a lousy T-shirt!”
“Vas that a joke?”
“Yeah, sorry.”
“No, no, it’s healthy. ‘umor is a defense mec’anism. If you can recognize that, it can ‘elp get to the bottom of a v’at is ‘urting you.”
I never really thought about it that way. It wasn’t a physical sort of hurt. But there was definitely something going on. Something that kept me from thinking too much about all that had happened.
“Tell me about your siiiister,” Dr. Benoit prompted.
Oh boy, that was a big one. I couldn’t really dive into that whole emotional mess. Not least because I only got Raquel as a sister because my daddy died.
I might have still had a full-blooded sister if that hadn’t happened. My mom was young enough to have had another child, but it wouldn’t have been Raquel and everything that was going on with her was tied in part to that. Especially because she had lost her mom at a similar age. I felt responsible for her and tried to do my best but then she had gone and done this.
“We used to be close,” I said, trying not to cry.
I wasn’t really sure of that anymore, though. I always tried to be kind and helpful, but Raquel was always pretty quiet. Then she hit puberty and the hormones must have done something to her because there were times when she could be a real bitch, both to me and to my mom.
I guess it was possible that she blamed us for her mom going away or thought that we were trying to replace her or something. She was only eight at the time. I started to feel really foolish for thinking we were ever really close. I was ready to leave it all behind.
“But that’s boring,” I said, “I’m ready to move on to a happier future.”
“‘ave you been trying to keep busy?” Dr. Benoit asked.
“As much as I can,” I said.
“Oui, I understand. But could you be a bit more specific?”
“Well, like I said, walking in the woods helps. I’ve been going to the park more and just walking because I don’t do much writing anymore. I’ve also taken a job as an administrative assistant, so I have enough money. Food is very important, I’ve found. Plus, I live on my own now, ever since the whole incident, so I kinda have to pay rent, you know?”
“Yes, I quite understand,” Dr. Benoit said, “‘ow is your love life?”
“I-I don’t really have one,” I stammered.
Truth be told, I hadn’t even really thought about such things until that very day with Gavin. I had been a bit too shocked and upset by what Kenny had done with Raquel, an image which still made me feel sick just thinking about it, to even think about such things.
I hadn’t even touched myself much in all of these six months that had passed. There was Gavin, of course, but I was hardly going to mention that. It seemed a bit too crazy to be into a guy I had just met minutes before.
“You should consider it. I know you’ve been ‘urt but v’at better way to reclaim yourself than to find someone vho truly loves you? You are still very young had deserve to be ‘appy.”
Dr. Benoit certainly made a good point. I could see why it had taken so long to get in to see her. She really was quite good.
I started to think about Gavin again, now that I had basically been given permission to date him by this wise, foreign therapist. I couldn’t help but think about where that would lead and how it might affect me both emotionally and physically.
I was afraid to trust anyone with my heart again, but he was such a good guy and had helped me when he hadn’t needed to. And despite my mental reluctance, my body didn’t lie. A big reason I wanted to see him again was that I couldn’t wait to have sex with him!
