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“I missed you too,” I replied with a smile, the first genuine one I’d had since getting off the plane. “Where is my baby girl?”
“Hope’s with her father,” Diana replied before taking a sip. Human alcohol was like juice to werewolves, but Diana enjoyed drinking it from time to time. "They're doing some last-minute shopping in town before we leave tomorrow.”
I sipped my wine. “Hope’s gonna have a blast being away for a month. It's your first vacation with her… actually, it's your first vacation with Kaleem too, isn't it?”
“It is,” Diana answered with a grin. “And you won’t hear the end of it from Hope when we get back. She’s the first two-year-old I’ve met who talks so much and so well. Sometimes I can’t believe I’m her mom.”
I tapped her glass with mine. "And you're a damn good mom too. You guys indulge her and allow her to speak, have her own thoughts, and ask questions. I love that. Some parents would shush their kid.”
Diana shrugged. “Honestly, sometimes she goes overboard. She doesn't stop with the questions, but we want her to be opinionated and intelligent. She'll need it in this changing world," Diana sighed, and I patted her hand.
I knew her worries. Diana was from an alpha bloodline and mate to Kaleem, the alpha of the Silvermane Pack. A child born from two alpha bloodlines and a female as a firstborn had everyone both in love with little Hope but simultaneously worried for her future.
She was going to be the alpha of the pack someday, and as a female, that would come with judgment.
“We'll have to keep a close eye on her,” Diana added. “She’s so damn quick on those little feet. It's insane. But how was Mexico,” she pushed her drink away and leaned forward. “How was the wedding? Come on, details! Did you meet anyone?”
I pulled a face. “I didnotgo there to meet anyone, so no, but it went as expected. It was great. The music, the food, the vibes were unmatched.” I sighed. “It was good.”
Diana’s eyes narrowed. “And?”
I looked at her over the rim of my glass and shrugged. “And what?”
She leaned back. “I saw your face when I came in, Marian. I know something’s wrong. Did something happen?"
I placed my glass down slowly and watched as the crimson liquid rippled and splashed against the sides of the glass. I didn't look away for some time until I sat back, and Diana hadn't taken her eyes off me.
Of course, she'd notice something was wrong. She knew me, but perhaps anyone would because I didn't like being stressed or unhappy. I loved laughing and making the people around me laugh.
“I don’t know what’s wrong,” I told her truthfully. “I haven't been feeling like myself, but if I'm to pinpoint a feeling, I'd say I feel… lonely.”
Diana's frown worsened, but she didn't say anything and allowed me to continue speaking.
“I’m not unhappy,” I added for clarification. "I have nothing to be unhappy about, but Diana, I'm bored. I'm so bored. There's no spark in my life, and I didn't realize that until I went home." I tapped the glass with my finger. "Maybe I should start dating again."
I said it jokingly and chuckled, but Diana didn't join in.
"Do you want to?" she asked, and my smile fell away.
It was almost embarrassing how long ago my last relationship was. Heartbreak could lead to such isolation, and I was trapped by the fear of getting hurt again for a long time. Eventually, I learned to love being alone and to value loving myself.
A smile I hadn't seen in almost a decade surfaced in my mind, and I frowned.
Dorian was the only man I'd ever loved, and even now, after so many years, thinking about him made my chest ache. It wasn't as crippling as it used to be. I'd moved on from our breakup, but the happy memories I couldn't get rid of were painfully bittersweet.
After him, I gave my full attention to creating my ideal life without the distraction of a relationship. When I loved someone, I loved them with everything I had. Why not? I'd always love others the way I wanted to be loved.
But I'd learned from my mistake. If I was to start dating again, I'd do so and always put my well-being first. It wasn't selfish, not when I was at risk of giving my all and losing everything.
I nodded. "It's a thought. I've been single for years, but maybe it's time I try again. I mean, a relationship should be entertaining enough."
"You shouldn't get into one if you only want entertainment," she countered, and I took a breath.
"I know. I didn't mean it like that," I sipped my wine. "Trust me, if I chose to start dating again, it wouldn't be for casual fun. I don't have time to waste." I shook my head. "Actually, I have an abundance of time. That's the problem. But I don’t want drama. I want to feel alive, which are two very different things. If I start dating, it's to eventually start a family."
Diana reached out and held my hand. “Whatever you choose to do, Marian, I support you. I hate seeing you like this. Maybe I should put off the trip with Kaleem? We can do it next month. You and I can take a girl’s trip together.”
I shook my head. "Absolutely not," I told her. "It would break Hope's heart if the trip is canceled now, and honestly, Kaleem’s too. You three need to do this, and it's not like I'm experiencing a crisis or something. I'll be fine until you get back."
