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Sophie stops a few feet away.
“Thanks for coming,” I try to say, gripping the table, but it comes out in a weak croak as I wait for her to tear me a new one.
“Oh, Jonah.” Her eyes well up and she holds out her arms. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
Then I’m on my feet, pulling her into the biggest hug I can manage. “I missed you too.”
Elliott wrinkles his nose at me over her shoulder, then ruffles her hair with a grin. “Don’t crush him to death, Soph.”
The sun has come out, and it feels so fucking good to just sit down under a balmy window with my best friends and forget about everything for a minute. We all order ham and cheese sandwiches as fat as one of Gray's biographies while they fill me in on Avery’s newest idea to make the class do a ropes course. “Sooo,” Elliott exclaims, poking me with his foot under the table. “What was it like to work for the stone-cold Gray Freeman?”
“Yeah.” Sophie slurps her Arnold Palmer. “Elliott said it didn’t work out. What did you do?”
“And why are you blushing?” Elliott adds helpfully, smirking when I throw my napkin at him.
“It wasn’t a big deal. When I decided to quit school, we agreed it was best to part ways.” I point my straw at Elliott. “And the only reason I’m not killing you is because I need your couch.”
The waiter swings by to set three slices of fresh key lime pie on the table. Sophie pushes mine toward me, but my stomach suddenly feels like I’ve filled it with rocks.
“Hey, guys?” They both pause, Elliott with a spoon hanging out of his mouth. I pick up my fork and start stabbing holes all over my slice of pie until it falls apart. “I actually wanted to tell you both something, because you’re my closest friends and I hope—” I take a deep breath. “I hope that—”
My voice quivers and cracks and Sophie puts down her silverware and takes my hand, squeezing it. “Honey, we’re here for you, no matter what.”
“Yeah.” Not to be outdone, Elliott reaches over and grabs the end of my stump. I raise my eyebrow at him, then we both crack up.
As I realize I can still smile, with the sun on my head and Sophie’s hand in mine, I can feel Gray’s fingers gentle on the back of my neck.I’m proud of you.Why can’t he leave me alone for five seconds?
“I’m bisexual,” I say all in a rush. “I like women and men, and I think I’m going to try dating men for a while. And you’re the first people I’ve come out to, so I’m sorry if I suck at it.” I stare at the grain of the thickly varnished wood table, waiting for something bad to happen.
“Thank goodness.” When I look up, Sophie’s smiling at me, not pity but genuine happiness. “I knew something wasn’t right, the way things went with us. I saw you were struggling, but I couldn’t do anything. You’re such a sweet guy. I just want you to be happy.”
“Thank you, Soph.” We both look at Elliott, and my panic flares up again. My best friend in the entire world is frowning at his plate, not saying anything. “Is everything alright, man? I’m really sorry if—”
“I’ve been hanging out with this cool gay guy from my climbing club the last few months,” he announces like he just invented the lightbulb, talking over me. “He likes snowboarding and hiking and sports, and he just got back into dating.” He snaps his fingers. “If I get two of my friends together, it would take half as much work to keep up with you.”
Sophie slaps his arm with a crack everyone in the cafe can probably hear. “He’scoming out, Elliot, not asking you to set him up.” But Elliott just grins at me hopefully.
“Sure, dude, you can give him my number.” I’m so relieved I’d probably agree to anything he said. “I’m going on a date with a guy. I can’t believe I’m saying those words out loud to another person.”
Sophie gets up and moves to my side of the booth, putting her arm around me while I eat the wreckage of my pie like the perfect, sweet ally that she is. Elliott just launches into a discussion of what teams we’re going to match up when we playMaddenat his place tonight. I love both of them so much.
I don’t know how I’m ever going to tell my parents. I don’t even know how long it’s going to take for me to process this myself. But I know that something which was living in the dark has found the light and it’s still alive, it’s still here. I’m still here.
